not quite there yet

I’m in a constant search for greatness. For as long as I could remember, I have searched this elusive quality with every person that I meet. Rarely do I find this greatness in people. And I’m not referring to material affluence or power—political or otherwise. There was a time when I thought I had a glimpse of this greatness in one or two people that I have met-- only to be sorely disappointed. Perhaps I put them in such high esteem, belatedly realizing they’re also human, with human faults. I had this epiphany recently that I cannot hold back people close to me. I cannot force them to stay with me, take the same course or choose the same path. I realized that every chance, every meeting have its own purpose. Perhaps, my purpose had ended with them, which is why we part ways. And when we meet again over time, it isn’t the same. Thoughts and feelings no longer go back to that magical time in the beginning, when you thought that one person could do wonders, could change your entire outlook in life, could influence others. Maybe every person has their own definition of greatness. Maybe the very definition of greatness changes as we grow old, or as we acquire new experiences. Yes, perhaps I was destined to meet them for a single purpose: to teach me a lesson. A lesson that one must learn once the purpose had manifested itself. Then you learn to let go. You no longer feel pain and despair at the thought of losing them. You set them free. You let them fulfill their own destiny. Letting go is the hardest part. Sometimes, we don’t get over it at all. Yet time can change your mind set. Experience makes us see things in a different light. Perhaps it is just a matter of having the right attitude. But how can one achieve greatness? Is it inborn? Is it learned? Or is it just a feeling of awareness? Of being selfless, passionate and bold? Perhaps it is a gift that only a very select few are endowed with. In the meantime, I’m still desperately looking for it… not wanting to give up. Hopefully one day I will write about finding it…hope floats somewhere in the deep recesses of my heart.