better than expected

most of the time, I forget that attending obligatory family gatherings can be nice. Even therapeutic. Aside from the normal catching up on each other's lives, there's the funny anecdotes and bloopers from family members/relatives. And of course the abundance of food. This year, my tita was not able to cook her famous home-made lasagna recipe (which is actually the first menu to disappear on the table). She said that due to her hectic schedule, she was not able to buy some of the necessary ingredients on time, which meant the supermarkets ran out of stock. But she compensated by cooking the ever-present spaghetti this season, among other things of course. Mind you, this is not just your regular pinoy spaghetti served in most households. Her pasta recipes are always to die for. This year, the pasta she used was bought all the way from Italy itself, the time when she, her husband and my pretty cousin went to Europe a few months back. She bought it at this 'pasta factory' somewhere in Venice. I actually saw their pictures from their Europe trip. I still can't believe they were able to get inside the Louvre and saw the Mona Lisa. I gasped when I saw the photo of Marie Antoinette's bedroom up close, and of course, King Louise IV's room. The extravagance, the opulence, the grandeur. The chandeliers were real crystals! Anyway, I digress. I generally don't enjoy these family gatherings because some relatives ask too many personal questions-- such as how much you're earning so far. Or if you're moving up the corporate ladder, if at all. I squirm in my seat if the questions are about my personal relationships. I normally don't discuss them, unless it's a matter of urgency. However, I was able to survive this holiday season. I actually enjoyed myself. I felt relieved and exultant even. Happy Solstice!

crapola

I admit, I can be very snooty, condescending and the most opinionated person sometimes. There are also days when I get annoyed so easily and lose my patience. And I thought I am a patient person. My annoyance usually shoots up during the holiday season. Everything just goes berserk. The mad rush. The packed malls. Picky taxi drivers. The unpredictable weather. You name it. The malls are the worst this time of the year. Not only you have to deal with the stampede of crazed shoppers but you also have to avoid crushing the toddlers wandering or running around the hallways. I just feel my disgust and displeasure over parents who bring their entire brood to the mall like it's a f*** park! Kids should be out there in open spaces preferably public parks so that they can enjoy the greenery-- not concrete pavement. It's also irritating to see couples doing the classic HHWW in the middle of a rush hour. I know they're wrapped up in their own worlds but geez, get a room! This is the time of year when I just want to hide under a rock and block out everything. I want to avoid being a part of the consumerism of this materialistic world. How I'd love to have some peace and quiet. And sleep. Lots of sleep.

same old, same old

to my utter disappointment, I was not chosen by this certain organization. I am no longer happy with the way things are going. Everyday I have to drag myself to work, forcing myself to do the same thing over and over again. I feel unfulfilled. I have no motivation anymore. I no longer go the extra mile for anything. I'm done. Everything I'm doing is no longer worth it.

catch up

so I was in this popular resort last October with my bf and some of my friends. I haven't been to the beach in a long time. Perhaps because I'm not a beach person. I abhor going to the beach especially during peak season. I hate crowds. Fortunately for us, the resort wasn't that full. So I had a relaxing time. I guess the most memorable time for me there was walking along the deserted beach at night with my bf and just gazing at the waning moon. Corny, I know. But what the heck.

My US candidate had won. Obama represents change. There had been a significant change in the company I work with. Maybe this is a sign for me. Change is forthcoming. Its inevitable. Like death and taxes.

song of the moment

Broken
(Lifehouse)

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

counting sheep

i'm having trouble sleeping lately. I have been sporting this 'panda look' for a few weeks now. Short of knocking myself unconscious by drowning myself with alcohol, I couldn't seem to fall asleep when I wanted to. Even if I go to bed early, I'd still be wide awake--and would normally toss and turn. My mind would still be reeling with thoughts, images, even songs. I couldn't will myself to go to sleep just like that. It used to be so easy. Waking up early for work is just as hell. I would report to work groggy and I would force myself to stay alert and would vow I'd go home early to catch up on my zzzs. But once I'm home and it's time to sleep, my dilemma would start all over again. This must be how heath ledger felt before the tragedy. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of pushing the envelope and just have an OD. I hate taking meds anyway. So that is not an option. Drinking a glass of milk before bedtime? It would only make me feel full, all the more I would find it hard to go to sleep. I hate the dark shadows under my eyes. And I feel too lazy to put an eye cream to lessen the effect. I just feel so blah about it. I wish my bodyclock would return to normal. I compensate my lack of sleep on my restdays. I just sleep all day. Maybe that's the culprit?

one totally orgasmic movie

watching Sex And The City on the big screen was an experience. The first thing you're tempted to do after leaving the theater is to go on a shopping spree. The movie makes you salivate on fashion : Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton -- you name it. I love the bags! I drool everytime Carrie is shown wearing those high, high Manolo Blahnik shoes! The clothes are even to die for! They were just amazing! I wish I can afford to buy them-- in a million years maybe. Too bad there were scenes that were cut. One of the best things about the movie was, I get to see Mr. Big again. Ha! That's one of the reasons why I watched the series! He just looks so good in a suit. I thought he and Carrie were not gonna end up together. For a moment there I thought there wouldn't be no happy ending for Carrie Bradshaw--the ultimate queen of style. Anyhow, watching the movie is totally fun. It was not at all superficial. It also makes you reflect on life--and love. Anyway, there are two things that I learned in this movie : 1) Women shouldn't feel apologetic about loving themselves more than their man-- such was the case with Samantha; and 2) Marriage is a decision best made by two adults who respect and love each other--when the right time comes, and not because they feel pressured by other people or by society. This movie is highly recommended...gay or straight.

life's greatest lesson :

wear sunscreen!

lovin' this song

funny how certain songs give you such profound effect the first time you hear them...

ON THE SIDE OF ME
by : Corrinne May

i'm not the easiest person to love
i'm often the one who lets things go unresolved
yet you choose to be
on the side of me, on the side of me
yet you choose to be
on the side of me, on the side of me

i'm not too proud of some things
i've done in my life
the skeletons in my closet
are too big for me to hide

yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me, blessed charity
you're on the side of me, on the side of me

cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
i remember when nobody cared but you

i'm not the easiest person to love
but you, you've opened your heart to show me
what I'm worth

cause you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me
what a mystery, you're on the side of me
on the side of me

cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

i remember when nobody cared
i remember when nobody cared
nobody cared but you

yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Keep on Dreamin' (March 8)

I had this dream last night wherein I found myself in sort of a hot, dry land with some people I know in my waking life and there was a cat nursing a litter of kittens. More puzzling is that I tried on a billowing red dress and was asking my friends if the dress suited me well. One of them was even trying to take my picture. I liked the dress but felt it was a bit too much to wear for a regular girls' day out. Also, I found a dead fish in a corner which was really big and another one in another corner. And in the highway, cars and trucks were zooming by, the interiors of which are overflowing with water, like they were submerged. And then I had an awful feeling that the sea overflowed and there was going to be a flood of biblical proportions and all of us are going to be swept away if we don't leave the place that very moment.

When I woke up, all I could think of was me wearing the red dress and wondering what it could mean. The scenario of flooding + red dress led me to an interpretation that I will have my period soon. Could I be right? But how would you explain the dead fish? For as long as I could remember, I always dream about cats, sometimes kittens as well but in different situations. Since the cat in my dream was nursing the kittens, it could only mean that somehow I am nurturing something in my life, or that I am nurtured. The color red, according to a dream dictionary, is "an indication of great passion and sensitivity in my emotional relationships." Any kind of clothing (in this case, the dress), indicates identity; self image; exploration of new roles or rejection of old. This gives me a better understanding of my present career situation and my desire to be accepted in whatever new role I have. Also, death means "end of a cycle; something is finally over". So the dead fish probably represents that one or two aspects in my life is finally over. Or it could also be an omen of disappointment. The backdrop of the dream is similar to a desert, and the closest interpretation of this according to the dream dictionary is isolation; retreat; endurance; or a wish to withdraw from something. This I could understand because I have moments where I feel like retreating to a faraway place all by my lonesome. The flood in my dream could mean a very powerful, or even violent, emotionally cleansing experience. Dream dictionary also tells me that "depending on the content of the dream and my emotional experience in it, the flood could also represent sexuality and be a sexual dream symbol." Whaat?! How could that be?!! Dreams are just so hard to piece together because some symbols could be contradictory to the other symbols! Well, now at least I have a general idea on what my dream meant, or might mean.

really?

Who's Your Sex and the City Match?

My Result: Charlotte

Looking for the perfect Bergdorf Goodman dishes to match your impeccable kitchen? Shopping at Tiffany's for a new string of pearls? Fantasizing about the perfect job as a New York City art gallery owner? Maybe not exactly, but when it comes to a refined taste and a sweetness like no other, you're just like Charlotte!

Of course you aren't all sugar; you've definitely got a tough heart under that pretty cashmere sweater, but you are probably happiest when you are surrounded by supportive relationships and a great romance (you only get two, you know!) So live it up, because you deserve nothing but the best in life, whether it's fine china or true love. Now that's some good taste!

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