the beat that my heart skipped

Love is such a strange thing. A plethora of emotions assault your senses all at the same time-- confusing you, blurring your good judgment. It weakens your resolve. It could also melt the coldest of hearts. Yet it is such a rare thing to find; and when you do, everything seems to fall into place. Suddenly, everything makes sense. Love could also end in tragedy. When it does, your whole world crumbles down. You become a whimpering idiot. Then why do people still keep falling in love? What if you fall then someone came along and realize he's the love of your life? What if you fall for the wrong kind? Would love make it valid and fair? Truth is, no one would ever really understand until they experience it. That's why there are so many romantic fools out there. They believe in the very idea of love but most of the time, they wake up to reality. Then of course, a whole lot of factors need to be sorted out. You no longer throw caution to the wind. You fall back to earth. With a thud.

hell hath no fury

I was running a fever last Nov. 29 when the supposed makati standoff happened. I went to work that day despite the foul weather. Just like before, ayala avenue was closed to motorists and pedestrians so most makati employees ended up walking to either buendia or edsa via dela rosa street. It was frustrating going home since it was raining all day. I was cursing trillanes on my way home for the inconvenience of it all. What is it with him and hotels anyway? I suspect a trapo was behind all the ruckus-- and trillanes served as a mere puppet, or a willing conspirator. Has anyone noticed the makati mayor was suspiciously absent during the stand off? Why would he allow something like that to happen within his jurisdiction? Oh I forgot, he is the leader of the united opposition. It was stupid to mount a coup or a rally at this time of year when people are preoccupied about the holidays. It seems that trillanes wants to pull everyone down with him. And where he is now? Back to square one. Idiot!

They're having a reunion concert!

Which Spice Girl Are You?

My Result: Ginger Spice

Leave it to you to say what's really on your mind, and you'll usually say it with a saucy wink. Just the right blend of girly and tough, you love getting attention wherever you go and those little tiny skirts and high, high heels certainly don't hurt either.


You'll usually show up to the party (on the VIP list, of course), but you'll probably be the first to move on to bigger and better things once you get there. Maybe you have a hard time staying in line with the crowd, but that doesn't mean you're wrong. You're a true original and they're just jealous!

Take this test >

so romance is not dead?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071109/od_nm/subway_dc_1

the placebo effect

if I can just teleport myself to an unknown country just so I can avoid this perpetual headache that defines philippine politics. All this drama and hypocrisy is making me gag!

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you except because I love you;

I go from loving to not loving you,

From waiting to not waiting for you

My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;

I hate you deeply, and hating you

Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you

Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume

My heart with its cruel ray,

stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who dies,

the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,

Because I love you,

Love, in fire and blood.

If Your Life Was A Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

surreal . . .

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

so true . . .

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

You Are A Realistic Romantic

It's easy for you to get swept away by romance... But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective. You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

hmmm. . .

How Cynical Are You?

You Are 48% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist.You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howcynicalareyouquiz/">How Cynical Are You?

damn right!

cancer on a stick

there should be an effective law in this country which prohibits cigarette smokers from smoking in public places (including sidewalks along Edsa and other commuting stations). Everyday when I go to work, I always encounter people (mostly men) who puffs a smoke on their way to their respective jobs without a care in the world. They are not aware that the person behind them/beside them/nearby is already inhaling the toxic emanating from their cheap cigarettes. These individuals do not seem to know the trouble they cause for second-hand smokers who bear the brunt of this disgusting habit-- or they simply couldn't care less. I do not like the smell of it sticking to my clothes so early in the morning when I'm off to work. I care about what and how I look when I go to work and the last thing I want is to smell bad when my day hasn't even started yet. I don't have a problem per se with smokers, it's just that I wish they could be a little bit more considerate of others. I wouldn't be surprised if I develop lung cancer by the time I reach the age of 40-- what with all the second-hand smoking that I'm getting! Just imagine, you try to live a clean life and yet you end up acquiring the same lung diseases as them smokers. How ironic!

the ratpack

we had a family dinner last night at serendra at the fort. It was a reunion of sorts since one of my uncles just arrived from abroad for a vacation. The place was packed since it was a saturday evening. We even had a hard time getting a table--and there were like 14 of us last night! I liked the ambiance of the place-- very laidback, very hip and yet family-friendly. It's the "it" place these days, a must--if you want to be seen. There are a lot of trendy boutiques and nice little shops worth discovering. It was nice being part of a family again-- I almost forgot what it was like. We hardly see each other anymore since we do live our own lives, live in different houses and have varying schedules. It was good to see everyone again. The weather even cooperated. It didn't rain last night, the weather was mild. After dinner, we explored the place while keeping a warm chatter along the way. We left the area just a little past midnight. When I got home, I managed to catch some sleep for about two hours before being awaken by my alarm clock again to go to work. But it was worth it. I wish we could do it more often...

the cul-de-sac of life

If being born is supposed to be a celebration, then why am I not living la dolce vita? I know circumstances have something to do with it but then you grow up, get a job and you realize--how the hell did I get here? Let's face it, not all of us actually end up where we want to be. Life happens, that's what. Life it seems has a wicked sense of humor. You spent your young life dreaming of adventure, of tales of success and glory and yet it gets you nowhere in the end. You end up with a dead-end job. Then you start questioning the purpose of man's existence. Why are we here? What are we supposed to do? You even start questioning the existence of your boss. Why the devil incarnate wouldn't give you the chance of promotion, of proving your worth. If only we are given equal opportunity to grow and get the support of our peers and superiors, then I guess we can achieve something.

Contradictory to the statement above, what is the logic behind a promotion anyway? So that you can have a massive stroke and die young? That defeats the purpose, doesn't it? Promotion equates to more responsibilities, and more responsibilities means longer hours. Longer hours coupled with stress equates to a heart attack and eventually, death. For sometime now, I have avoided the same fate that some peers have faced (not death I mean). I was fairly happy with where I was in my career. But you gotta admit, promotion means getting a higher paycheck. A higher paycheck means making the most of it--meaning spending. You want to have that occasional pat in the back by means of buying yourself some expensive item that you wouldn't normally buy. Splurge. More importantly, you also want to save up for the rainy days, for the future.

With the exception of the filthy rich who are not like you and me, life incessantly and mercilessly throws us off balance. Your dreams are always out of reach and/or unrealistic. You end up choosing the most practical and yet you still find yourself making ends meet. Even more aggrevating if you happen to have a few mouths to feed. Expenses seem to pile up, you cut corners in order to save. Yep, that's the preoccupation of most people these days, and I'm no exception.

Nevertheless, there's one thing that I do care to admit: the fact that I like surprises--good surprises for the most part. It's the spice of life. It's what makes us continue living. It makes everything seem worth the sacrifice and the pain. Though in some instances, surprises could become stumbling blocks to your path of success. But I believe that if you keep an open mind, given the proper motivation and a solid affirmation that you're going to emerge a winner, then everything will just fall into place. Yes, life sucks sometimes, especially when you're having a bad day one after another. Everyone has bad moments, that moment when you experience anxiety attacks, afraid of the future, afraid of failing altogether. I guess that's normal-- as long as they're not excessive of course. In those circumstances, you could lose your momentum and it could break your spirit. There is truth in the passage: 'You are what you believe yourself to be.' That is my personal motto these days. I want to believe I can make it. I want to believe, period.

carpe diem

If you have a 'carpe diem' moment, a chance to be spontaneous for one day, what would it be? Mine is listed below :

1. Drop whatever I'm doing in the office and just walk out.
2. Tell my boss exactly what I think of him/her.
3. Take a nice bubble bath.
4. Eat a lot of ice cream in all possible flavors.
5. Eat a lot of cake in all possible flavors.
6. Bungee jump.
7. Learn to play the violin.
8. Learn to play the piano.
9. Take dancing lessons, preferably salsa.
10. Participate in a pie-eating contest.
11. Audition for a rock band.
12. Audition for a play (preferably a role in Rent or any Shakespeare play).
13. Learn to skydive.
14. Publish my own book.
15. Build a school.
16. Travel.
17. Bathe in the fountain fully clothed.
18. Participate in car racing.
19. Participate in an archeological explorations.
20. Go treasure-hunting.

. . . and then some :

21. Enroll in an art class
22. Make my own perfume
23. Enroll in pottery-making
24. Purchase an island
25. Discover the fountain of youth
26. Invent something
27. Put up my own restaurant
28. Purchase a 2-bedroom condo unit
29. Ride off into the sunset with the man of my dreams.
30. Tell the man of my dreams that I love him, that he's 'The One'.

a trip down memory lane

I didn't get much sleep last night. I was out with some old friends (former officemates) yesterday night and I went home later than usual. We agreed to meet at their office where I used to work before going to CPK where we agreed to have dinner. I have never set foot there again after I quit my job more than three years ago. I'm glad I dropped by. It was nice to see familiar surroundings again. I saw my old desk where I used to spend a lot of time preparing contracts and other paperworks during and after closing a deal with clients. The minute I stepped inside the premises, I was transported back to my carefree days in that office. I felt nostalgic. It felt good to be back. I had fond memories there. It was like a real home to me back then. I used to stay up until 9 o'clock in the evening holed up in my workstation along with some remaining colleagues who also happened to be tying up some loose ends for the day. Then we'd turn off our PCs and lock up the office. Sometimes, when we were still too lazy to go home, we would grab a cup of hot coffee first at seattle's best (which was only at the ground floor of our office bldg), chat away for an hour before calling it a night. I missed those times. I loved my work then. It was stressful but at the end of the day, you get a feeling of fulfillment. My former job used to keep me on my toes. I remember lumping up four to five client meetings in a row in one day. I usually divide my day shuttling from makati to eastwood then back again. I loved meeting with clients and picking their brains. I loved discussing ideas with them. They give you a peek into their world. Most of all, I loved getting commissions. I will be forever grateful to my former company because that's where I learned the ropes in the real estate business. That's also where I met a lot of people and where I gained a lot of sales exposure. Of course I still can't afford to buy my own condo unit, considering that wer'e involved in selling mostly high-rise condominiums at prime locations. Hopefully, I will be able to buy my own condo sometime in the future. But I digress. Anyhow, it was really good to see all of my former colleagues last night. We had a marvelous time. After dinner, we headed to the nearest starbucks and ended the night there. We were all happy to see each other again that we agreed to meet the week after next... what a night indeed.

something's brewing

a significant change is about to manifest itself in my life. . .

keeping it at a minimum

I've always avoided too much melodrama, whether it be on television or in real life. As a self-confessed cynic, you'd find me rolling my eyes and wanting to puke whenever I encounter such. There's already too much drama going on in the world that the last thing I wanna hear is another drama unfolding-- like that of the showbiz kind (kris & james, ruffa & the turk, ogie & regine, etc). I usually keep my private life private. Excesses are not my thing. So whatever goes on in my life normally doesn't manifest itself in an outward manner and thus, preventing from spilling over to my work. Of course, there's the normal highs and lows of everyday life, what with the "stressful" job that I do. A few slips here and there are forgivable when you're in the doldrums and doesn't quite know what to make of your current sitch.

So here I am, coping with life, struggling to make ends meet-- and presently in the doldrums. I would've used the word 'limbo' but the church had officially scrapped that from their theological teachings. My personal life isn't exactly all bright and shiny right now, but more dark and twisty like meredith from grey's anatomy. I would've wished my life would be more adventurous and exciting. My relationship with my current beau had recently hit a snag. I won't go into details but we're quite in a rough patch right now and still working on it. A few days ago, I thought we were in the brink of going our separate ways. I was faced with the prospect of infinite sadness. I came close to being devastated. Frankly, I would'nt have known what to do if it did happen. But I'd rather not dwell on it. Mind you, everything still looks fuzzy at the moment but we patched things up in the nick of time. Just the same, I can't help thinking, there's something else missing. . .

chance

I had the surprise of my life when I received a friendster invite from a guy I used to know. His name sounded familiar but I couldn't for the life of me remember where or how I met him until I browsed thru his friendster profile. I couldn't believe it. I met him when I was having my OJT in one of the TV networks here in manila. And that was like, eons ago! It's really amazing what friendster can do! This morning when I checked my emails, I found out that he sent me a message. I was stunned when he said he still kept those letters I sent him way back when. He is now based in california. Imagine my astonishment when he mentioned that he told his mom to send him all my old letters to him in the US! What kind of guy would do that?! I mean, why would he still keep all those letters all these years!! Wow! I couldn't even remember what I have been writing him then. So that's how he found me! He searched me thru friendster. Is this kismet or what?! Anyhow, I think it's great that he still tries to stay in touch with all those people that he met in life, no matter how fleeting they may be. He's one great guy-- very sweet and likeable. I remember I instantly liked him when I first met him. He's one of those rare people where you can just be yourself around him, no pretensions.

discovery

I stumbled upon this little boutique tucked somewhere in legaspi village that sells vintage and indie clothes and accessories. I found this amazing shimmery top that I liked so much. But I was dismayed when I checked the price : it was P3,000+. I could've used my credit card right then and there but the thing was, they only accept cash. Darn! Most of their items are a bit expensive since they source out their clothes all over europe-- in fact, some items they carry are designer labels from past collections. I love the top so much that I've been dreaming about it for the past 3 days. I have been trying to restrain myself from shopping the past few weeks since I don't wanna max out my credit card. I would like to drop by to that boutique again once I have moolah to spare.

old times

last night I had dinner with two of my old college friends somewhere in greenbelt. Although I occasionally see one of them, it had been years since I last saw my other friend. He got married last year but I wasn't able to attend his wedding due to unavoidable circumstances. And my, my! Did he look so manly now. It was really nice to catch up on things and reminisce on our youth-- back when we were all carefree and life was just simple. Now we were all grown up living separate lives, preoccupied with work and burden with other responsibilities. I have noticed that we have gone mature on our outlook on life. We discussed our careers, our family lives. We reflected on the things that matter now, unlike before when we were only concerned about getting good grades and having fun. It's realy nice to keep your old friends because they make you stay young-- young at heart at least. The three of us wish we can get together more often. One more thing, as I look back now, I felt a little pang in my heart. Seeing my old friends made me want to turn back time. It's like wanting to be young again-- and carefree. If only life were so simple...

how true

"In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes. For they in thee a thousand errors note; But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise." --Shakespeare

what dreams are made of (posted Jan. 30)

i felt optimistic this morning on my way to work. For a moment there i felt alive-- a seldom occurence in this hectic world that I'm in. I felt like everything's going well. It's as if something good is bound to happen, I felt it. I just don't know what it is. I've always had days like this. You wake up and you just know it's going to be a good day. You forget all your troubles the day before. You get a clean slate. Somehow, you feel lighter and you look forward to the day itself. There are times that you just dread going to work, doing the same boring things over and over again. But this is not the case today. I was actually raring to go back to work after my rest day. Sometimes whatever you're expecting to happen doesn't even matter, it doesn't even have to happen at all. You just want to sustain the feeling the entire day. I think that's the secret to keep your sanity.

Do you ever had that feeling that you have a certain connection to a place or a person? Well I had that fleeting moment this morning. I felt I was somehow connected to India of all places. There was even a teeny tiniest fraction of a second where the place I was in suddenly shifted and I felt like I was actually transported to India! I know it may sound laughable or ridiculous but I've always wanted to go to that place. I imagined myself donning one of those exotic clothes. I have even imagined I can somehow trace the early dwellings of the gypsies. I can imagine running off to join them and leaving my present life behind. I always have this feeling that somehow I belong to an old world-- a world that is lost and forgotten. I feel like my present life is actually part of the matrix. None of it is real. Maybe I can just become a hermit and just watch the modern world go by.

I know there are things in my present life that I need to fix and/or address-- soon. I have been procrastinating so far but last night I have realized that nothing will come of it if I just keep on wondering what I want to do or when I'm going to do it. I have to make things happen. Carpe diem. I just wish I have the drive to sustain this 'do-something-right-now' kind of feeling.

the anti-social

what monster of a person I am turning out to be! I don't usually post any thing that deserves as little attention as possible but since it is somehow connected to my general well-being (mostly my mental state), I decided it would do me a great deal if I let it out in the open. Although I still maintain that the following subject matter doesn't deserve any space in my blog. Anyway, a young couple just moved in next door just before christmas-- right next to my rented studio unit. Most people don't know I don't generally socialize with neighbors-- not because I dislike them altogether but due to the fact that the typical pinoy neighbor usually go overboard and cross the line over their friendliness. Most of them don't recognize the borderline you establish. They tend to put their nose into your business too much; they pry into your private affairs and seemed to want to know every little detail about you. Now I value my privacy just as much as the next person but when a neighbor becomes too much of a burden, that's the time I become anti-social. I could've ignored the new neighbors-- or even be polite to them if not for the fact that on their first night, they decided to held a drinking session right outside my window, close enough to hear every noise they make! So that didn't sit with me very well. They say first impressions last. True enough! Don't get me wrong, I don't care much for anything that they do, my only concern is for them to be considerate enough. I mean, after all, I tolerate their behaviour but it should be a two-way street, don't you agree? I do this for you, you do this for me; you scratch my back, I scratch yours. Give and take in other words. My landlady mentioned the couple works for an advertising agency-- like hellloo?! I've never seen them go to work! They're usually at home watching TV, or busy with their playstation. Most of the time, they go out for a drinking spree with their phony friends. If they are what they pretend to be, they will not be home all day! And certainly, if they supposedly work for a prestigious ad agency, they will be residing in a condo in downtown makati! See? I'm not even sure where they exactly came from. Since christmas, I've never had any peace and quite in the house because of my noisy neighbors who allow just about every stranger inside the premises! Visitors come and go throughout the day, leaving the gate wide open for burglars to see! I won't be surprised if one of these days, something have been stolen in any of the units. I have already complained to my landlady but just the same, my usual peace & quiet have been disrupted altogether. So I avoid any interaction with them as much as possible. Frankly I just don't know when I can still tolerate their presence!

losing it

i woke up wednesday morning and found out I lost my voice. The only sound that's coming out was a squeak intermingling with an annoying screeching sound, like that of a car. Yes, I had severe sore throat due to the colds I have for the past few days. I didn't wanna call in sick for work that day so I came to the office that morning with a husky voice. Hoping that perhaps later in the day, it will eventually improve. My voice didn't even sound sexy, it kinda sounded like a voice of an old lady with a bad cold-- or worse, a voice straight from hell. I realized later in the day that it was only getting worse, even after taking a lozenge and lots of liquid. So I was squeaking all throughout my calls, throughout the day. I also got a lot of teasing from my colleagues because of my weird voice. I couldn't communicate well, people didn't understand what I say. And I had to repeat myself over and over just to get the message across, which didn't help at all since I'm only straining my voice further. I filed a leave of absence yesterday so I can rest my voice. I took a 'vow of silence' yesterday to preserve whatever voice I have left. I still have nasal decongestion today but I regained my voice a bit, although I am trying not to strain my voice too much...