Sunday, July 08, 2007

the cul-de-sac of life

If being born is supposed to be a celebration, then why am I not living la dolce vita? I know circumstances have something to do with it but then you grow up, get a job and you realize--how the hell did I get here? Let's face it, not all of us actually end up where we want to be. Life happens, that's what. Life it seems has a wicked sense of humor. You spent your young life dreaming of adventure, of tales of success and glory and yet it gets you nowhere in the end. You end up with a dead-end job. Then you start questioning the purpose of man's existence. Why are we here? What are we supposed to do? You even start questioning the existence of your boss. Why the devil incarnate wouldn't give you the chance of promotion, of proving your worth. If only we are given equal opportunity to grow and get the support of our peers and superiors, then I guess we can achieve something.

Contradictory to the statement above, what is the logic behind a promotion anyway? So that you can have a massive stroke and die young? That defeats the purpose, doesn't it? Promotion equates to more responsibilities, and more responsibilities means longer hours. Longer hours coupled with stress equates to a heart attack and eventually, death. For sometime now, I have avoided the same fate that some peers have faced (not death I mean). I was fairly happy with where I was in my career. But you gotta admit, promotion means getting a higher paycheck. A higher paycheck means making the most of it--meaning spending. You want to have that occasional pat in the back by means of buying yourself some expensive item that you wouldn't normally buy. Splurge. More importantly, you also want to save up for the rainy days, for the future.

With the exception of the filthy rich who are not like you and me, life incessantly and mercilessly throws us off balance. Your dreams are always out of reach and/or unrealistic. You end up choosing the most practical and yet you still find yourself making ends meet. Even more aggrevating if you happen to have a few mouths to feed. Expenses seem to pile up, you cut corners in order to save. Yep, that's the preoccupation of most people these days, and I'm no exception.

Nevertheless, there's one thing that I do care to admit: the fact that I like surprises--good surprises for the most part. It's the spice of life. It's what makes us continue living. It makes everything seem worth the sacrifice and the pain. Though in some instances, surprises could become stumbling blocks to your path of success. But I believe that if you keep an open mind, given the proper motivation and a solid affirmation that you're going to emerge a winner, then everything will just fall into place. Yes, life sucks sometimes, especially when you're having a bad day one after another. Everyone has bad moments, that moment when you experience anxiety attacks, afraid of the future, afraid of failing altogether. I guess that's normal-- as long as they're not excessive of course. In those circumstances, you could lose your momentum and it could break your spirit. There is truth in the passage: 'You are what you believe yourself to be.' That is my personal motto these days. I want to believe I can make it. I want to believe, period.

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