dream

i woke up today from a very disturbing dream... the dream took me back to my childhood environment, particularly in the premises of my high school alma mater. I was all grown up like the present but I saw some old classmates still attending the school & wondering why they're still there. I saw an old friend who, as soon as she saw me, hugged me and wept like my very presence would somehow ease whatever burden she was suffering. Indeed, she looked disheveled, and it seemed like she was under a lot of pain. Then we sat on the steps and had a long talk... i was under the impression that she was under a spell of some sort, for her to remain in the same school we attended. As with all dreams, the sequence after that turned weird.

What strike me as odd was why would I dream of somebody who was clearly from my past and actually have no communication whatsoever eversince and yet now would manifest herself in my dream? What was the dream telling me? That I should go back to my past & explore whatever unfinished business I have? Come to think of it, I felt like I was placed there with a purpose. The purpose MAY BE to comfort an old friend who was in need-- to be literal about it, or to go back to my childhood and reclaim my forgotten innocence. Whatever the case, it left me feeling unsettled. The dream also made me realize how time flies. It seemed like my high school days was just yesterday. Was it really that long already? My classmates have long since been gone-- got married, had kids, migrated to another country, etc. Gosh, I haven't seen them in ages. I don't even know what they look like now, or whether they would still remember or recognize me if we were to meet.

I felt a pang when I realized that my high school days belonged in the past, and with that, my youth. I have lost my youth. And it made me sad. Gone were my carefree days. I can never go back... I am an adult now, working in the big bad city, carrying a lot of responsibilities. Maybe the dream was just there to tell me that my precious youth was over. That I should face life now head on and be done with it. That I should've treasured all the memories (or of what remained of it), and kept the friendships. Alas, all is lost. I would've wanted to know what happened to my friends & classmates. Are they leading meaningful lives? Are they fulfilled? Contented? Happy? Perhaps, the dream was a reminder that I should remain childlike-- unstained by the stink of the society. Or a reminder that I should fulfill my duties as an adult now. Let bygones be bygones.