multiple deaths

I have died a thousand times... and yet, like a cat with nine lives, I still have much to live. My early deaths had something to do with growing up-- developing a mind of my own, learning the ropes, accelerating in my academic life, then finally landing on my first job. I have survived all of it. There could be no other apt definition for the stages in life that one has to go through. The passage of time marks every event in your life. And these events are like mini-deaths. You go through the suffering, the pain, the disappointments, the remorse-- moreover, the loss of something you have recently discovered, something you thought can be yours forever and yet so fleeting enough for it to slip through your fingers, -- like a wisp of perfume captured in midair-- so painfully sweet and eloquent and yet evaporates in time, a music that ends on a bitter note, a beautiful dream that you wish will go on forever-- and yet you suddenly woke up --- reality hits you hard, telling you that not everything in life is tangible... Nothing is infinite. Only change is constant. Relationships come and go; every celebration of bonding has its parting ways... joy has its sweet sorrow. I have mourned my deaths, believe me-- clinging to it like the very idea itself will give me redemption-- a glimpse of my innocence, of the happy times. Yet every death signals a new rebirth... like a phoenix spreading its wings and welcoming the dawn of a new day. My recent death was painful enough that it might have been the cause of my private self's downfall. Emotions so strong that it shook the very life of me. It penetrated and crumbled all my defenses that it left me vulnerable and exposed. Suddenly my private world wasn't too private anymore. Yet the very cause of it was welcoming. The feeling was excruciatingly wonderful. You thought you're invincible. Suddenly, everything is right in your world, everything falls into place. It's all so clear. But it has met it's untimely demise. I should've known that the feeling will not last forever. It was childishly foolish of me to assume so. It was a blow-- and it hit me hard. It's a miracle I was able to survive. Back then, I thought there's no reason for me to go on anymore. No reason to hope, to dream, to trust. Yet it taught me to love myself more. It cured me from my ridiculous notion of everlasting love. I have learned that it's something that you take and experience in the present. It taught me not to obsess about the future. The future will come eventually. You can not rush it. So once again, I found myself standing in the threshold of a new chapter in my life. Whatever it brings, I will leave it to fate.