do you ever get that feeling that you are not in control of your life? of your destiny? That decisions you have made so far were actually decisions that was made in the spur of the moment, decisions that were dictated not by you but by others, or so it seems. That everything just happened so fast you don't have the time to dwell on it? Well, I've been wondering the same thing today. It seemed like every moment, every aspect of my waking life passes by and I just go through them blindly, willingly. And I couldn't stop it. Am I a willing participant? I really don't know. I have just realized that time is passing by and I havent accomplished anything fulfilling or worthwhile even. I wanted to do a lot of things in my life, before even considering settling down. You know, I never liked the phrase "settling down". It sounds like you have given up on everything and you just wanna settle for something -- anything since you probably given up on finding your own happiness. Or worse, there's nothing else to do. Maybe it's just the cynical side of me talking. Nevertheless, do you ever find yourself questioning your self-worth? your capabilities? your fears? It just hit me: I have fallen into a routine, I have found myself stuck in a rut once again. Great. I am trying to dissect exactly how this came to be. When did it happen? and why? It seemed like it just crept up on me once again, the reason of which I am openly afraid to discuss or to explore. Shoot. The one thing I hate the most is being stuck-- and being clueless about it. I seriously hope this will evaporate soon to save me from troublesome thoughts. Maybe it's just another phase. I have certain misgivings though. Hopefully, this too, shall pass. Oh well, welcome to my world.
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