let's be cerebral

you are sort of wondering how to go about ending something that has been lingering all this time, clinging to you like a stubborn virus-- aware that you are already infected by it and yet couldn't seem to decide what to do about it. You are perhaps just waiting for the right moment to finally distance yourself and eventually lose the grip-- or just wait for it to die a natural death. Whatever the case, this leaves you utterly confused, guilt-stricken, berating yourself on how you could possibly think the unthinkable. Yet, this has become a burden to you, a chip on your fragile shoulders-- something that have become unbearable to handle. You didn't think it would eventually come to this. Or you didn't think far enough. Or you simply refused to think. Your sense of self-worth have been slowly ebbing away, removing any traces of what you were, a fact that has made you panic. You didn't even realize that it crept up on you. In its place, you now see paranoia, doubt, distrust. Everything else is becoming mediocre, turning into a mockery of your life, extinguishing the very thing that made you unique, that made you alive. You are having second thoughts if continuing this is still worth your while. Or there might be a way to just finally accept things as they are and live with it...