counting sheep

i'm having trouble sleeping lately. I have been sporting this 'panda look' for a few weeks now. Short of knocking myself unconscious by drowning myself with alcohol, I couldn't seem to fall asleep when I wanted to. Even if I go to bed early, I'd still be wide awake--and would normally toss and turn. My mind would still be reeling with thoughts, images, even songs. I couldn't will myself to go to sleep just like that. It used to be so easy. Waking up early for work is just as hell. I would report to work groggy and I would force myself to stay alert and would vow I'd go home early to catch up on my zzzs. But once I'm home and it's time to sleep, my dilemma would start all over again. This must be how heath ledger felt before the tragedy. Don't get me wrong, I have no intention of pushing the envelope and just have an OD. I hate taking meds anyway. So that is not an option. Drinking a glass of milk before bedtime? It would only make me feel full, all the more I would find it hard to go to sleep. I hate the dark shadows under my eyes. And I feel too lazy to put an eye cream to lessen the effect. I just feel so blah about it. I wish my bodyclock would return to normal. I compensate my lack of sleep on my restdays. I just sleep all day. Maybe that's the culprit?

one totally orgasmic movie

watching Sex And The City on the big screen was an experience. The first thing you're tempted to do after leaving the theater is to go on a shopping spree. The movie makes you salivate on fashion : Prada, Gucci, Louis Vuitton -- you name it. I love the bags! I drool everytime Carrie is shown wearing those high, high Manolo Blahnik shoes! The clothes are even to die for! They were just amazing! I wish I can afford to buy them-- in a million years maybe. Too bad there were scenes that were cut. One of the best things about the movie was, I get to see Mr. Big again. Ha! That's one of the reasons why I watched the series! He just looks so good in a suit. I thought he and Carrie were not gonna end up together. For a moment there I thought there wouldn't be no happy ending for Carrie Bradshaw--the ultimate queen of style. Anyhow, watching the movie is totally fun. It was not at all superficial. It also makes you reflect on life--and love. Anyway, there are two things that I learned in this movie : 1) Women shouldn't feel apologetic about loving themselves more than their man-- such was the case with Samantha; and 2) Marriage is a decision best made by two adults who respect and love each other--when the right time comes, and not because they feel pressured by other people or by society. This movie is highly recommended...gay or straight.

life's greatest lesson :

wear sunscreen!

lovin' this song

funny how certain songs give you such profound effect the first time you hear them...

ON THE SIDE OF ME
by : Corrinne May

i'm not the easiest person to love
i'm often the one who lets things go unresolved
yet you choose to be
on the side of me, on the side of me
yet you choose to be
on the side of me, on the side of me

i'm not too proud of some things
i've done in my life
the skeletons in my closet
are too big for me to hide

yet you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me, blessed charity
you're on the side of me, on the side of me

cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
i remember when nobody cared but you

i'm not the easiest person to love
but you, you've opened your heart to show me
what I'm worth

cause you choose to be on the side of me
on the side of me
what a mystery, you're on the side of me
on the side of me

cause everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go

i remember when nobody cared
i remember when nobody cared
nobody cared but you

yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Keep on Dreamin' (March 8)

I had this dream last night wherein I found myself in sort of a hot, dry land with some people I know in my waking life and there was a cat nursing a litter of kittens. More puzzling is that I tried on a billowing red dress and was asking my friends if the dress suited me well. One of them was even trying to take my picture. I liked the dress but felt it was a bit too much to wear for a regular girls' day out. Also, I found a dead fish in a corner which was really big and another one in another corner. And in the highway, cars and trucks were zooming by, the interiors of which are overflowing with water, like they were submerged. And then I had an awful feeling that the sea overflowed and there was going to be a flood of biblical proportions and all of us are going to be swept away if we don't leave the place that very moment.

When I woke up, all I could think of was me wearing the red dress and wondering what it could mean. The scenario of flooding + red dress led me to an interpretation that I will have my period soon. Could I be right? But how would you explain the dead fish? For as long as I could remember, I always dream about cats, sometimes kittens as well but in different situations. Since the cat in my dream was nursing the kittens, it could only mean that somehow I am nurturing something in my life, or that I am nurtured. The color red, according to a dream dictionary, is "an indication of great passion and sensitivity in my emotional relationships." Any kind of clothing (in this case, the dress), indicates identity; self image; exploration of new roles or rejection of old. This gives me a better understanding of my present career situation and my desire to be accepted in whatever new role I have. Also, death means "end of a cycle; something is finally over". So the dead fish probably represents that one or two aspects in my life is finally over. Or it could also be an omen of disappointment. The backdrop of the dream is similar to a desert, and the closest interpretation of this according to the dream dictionary is isolation; retreat; endurance; or a wish to withdraw from something. This I could understand because I have moments where I feel like retreating to a faraway place all by my lonesome. The flood in my dream could mean a very powerful, or even violent, emotionally cleansing experience. Dream dictionary also tells me that "depending on the content of the dream and my emotional experience in it, the flood could also represent sexuality and be a sexual dream symbol." Whaat?! How could that be?!! Dreams are just so hard to piece together because some symbols could be contradictory to the other symbols! Well, now at least I have a general idea on what my dream meant, or might mean.

really?

Who's Your Sex and the City Match?

My Result: Charlotte

Looking for the perfect Bergdorf Goodman dishes to match your impeccable kitchen? Shopping at Tiffany's for a new string of pearls? Fantasizing about the perfect job as a New York City art gallery owner? Maybe not exactly, but when it comes to a refined taste and a sweetness like no other, you're just like Charlotte!

Of course you aren't all sugar; you've definitely got a tough heart under that pretty cashmere sweater, but you are probably happiest when you are surrounded by supportive relationships and a great romance (you only get two, you know!) So live it up, because you deserve nothing but the best in life, whether it's fine china or true love. Now that's some good taste!

Take this test >

the beat that my heart skipped

Love is such a strange thing. A plethora of emotions assault your senses all at the same time-- confusing you, blurring your good judgment. It weakens your resolve. It could also melt the coldest of hearts. Yet it is such a rare thing to find; and when you do, everything seems to fall into place. Suddenly, everything makes sense. Love could also end in tragedy. When it does, your whole world crumbles down. You become a whimpering idiot. Then why do people still keep falling in love? What if you fall then someone came along and realize he's the love of your life? What if you fall for the wrong kind? Would love make it valid and fair? Truth is, no one would ever really understand until they experience it. That's why there are so many romantic fools out there. They believe in the very idea of love but most of the time, they wake up to reality. Then of course, a whole lot of factors need to be sorted out. You no longer throw caution to the wind. You fall back to earth. With a thud.

hell hath no fury

I was running a fever last Nov. 29 when the supposed makati standoff happened. I went to work that day despite the foul weather. Just like before, ayala avenue was closed to motorists and pedestrians so most makati employees ended up walking to either buendia or edsa via dela rosa street. It was frustrating going home since it was raining all day. I was cursing trillanes on my way home for the inconvenience of it all. What is it with him and hotels anyway? I suspect a trapo was behind all the ruckus-- and trillanes served as a mere puppet, or a willing conspirator. Has anyone noticed the makati mayor was suspiciously absent during the stand off? Why would he allow something like that to happen within his jurisdiction? Oh I forgot, he is the leader of the united opposition. It was stupid to mount a coup or a rally at this time of year when people are preoccupied about the holidays. It seems that trillanes wants to pull everyone down with him. And where he is now? Back to square one. Idiot!

They're having a reunion concert!

Which Spice Girl Are You?

My Result: Ginger Spice

Leave it to you to say what's really on your mind, and you'll usually say it with a saucy wink. Just the right blend of girly and tough, you love getting attention wherever you go and those little tiny skirts and high, high heels certainly don't hurt either.


You'll usually show up to the party (on the VIP list, of course), but you'll probably be the first to move on to bigger and better things once you get there. Maybe you have a hard time staying in line with the crowd, but that doesn't mean you're wrong. You're a true original and they're just jealous!

Take this test >

so romance is not dead?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071109/od_nm/subway_dc_1

the placebo effect

if I can just teleport myself to an unknown country just so I can avoid this perpetual headache that defines philippine politics. All this drama and hypocrisy is making me gag!

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you except because I love you;

I go from loving to not loving you,

From waiting to not waiting for you

My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;

I hate you deeply, and hating you

Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you

Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume

My heart with its cruel ray,

stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who dies,

the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,

Because I love you,

Love, in fire and blood.

If Your Life Was A Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times. Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

surreal . . .

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

so true . . .

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

You Are A Realistic Romantic

It's easy for you to get swept away by romance... But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective. You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

hmmm. . .

How Cynical Are You?

You Are 48% Cynical

Yes, you are cynical, but more than anything, you're a realist.You see what's screwed up in the world, but you also take time to remember what's right.

How'>http://www.blogthings.com/howcynicalareyouquiz/">How Cynical Are You?

damn right!

cancer on a stick

there should be an effective law in this country which prohibits cigarette smokers from smoking in public places (including sidewalks along Edsa and other commuting stations). Everyday when I go to work, I always encounter people (mostly men) who puffs a smoke on their way to their respective jobs without a care in the world. They are not aware that the person behind them/beside them/nearby is already inhaling the toxic emanating from their cheap cigarettes. These individuals do not seem to know the trouble they cause for second-hand smokers who bear the brunt of this disgusting habit-- or they simply couldn't care less. I do not like the smell of it sticking to my clothes so early in the morning when I'm off to work. I care about what and how I look when I go to work and the last thing I want is to smell bad when my day hasn't even started yet. I don't have a problem per se with smokers, it's just that I wish they could be a little bit more considerate of others. I wouldn't be surprised if I develop lung cancer by the time I reach the age of 40-- what with all the second-hand smoking that I'm getting! Just imagine, you try to live a clean life and yet you end up acquiring the same lung diseases as them smokers. How ironic!

the ratpack

we had a family dinner last night at serendra at the fort. It was a reunion of sorts since one of my uncles just arrived from abroad for a vacation. The place was packed since it was a saturday evening. We even had a hard time getting a table--and there were like 14 of us last night! I liked the ambiance of the place-- very laidback, very hip and yet family-friendly. It's the "it" place these days, a must--if you want to be seen. There are a lot of trendy boutiques and nice little shops worth discovering. It was nice being part of a family again-- I almost forgot what it was like. We hardly see each other anymore since we do live our own lives, live in different houses and have varying schedules. It was good to see everyone again. The weather even cooperated. It didn't rain last night, the weather was mild. After dinner, we explored the place while keeping a warm chatter along the way. We left the area just a little past midnight. When I got home, I managed to catch some sleep for about two hours before being awaken by my alarm clock again to go to work. But it was worth it. I wish we could do it more often...

the cul-de-sac of life

If being born is supposed to be a celebration, then why am I not living la dolce vita? I know circumstances have something to do with it but then you grow up, get a job and you realize--how the hell did I get here? Let's face it, not all of us actually end up where we want to be. Life happens, that's what. Life it seems has a wicked sense of humor. You spent your young life dreaming of adventure, of tales of success and glory and yet it gets you nowhere in the end. You end up with a dead-end job. Then you start questioning the purpose of man's existence. Why are we here? What are we supposed to do? You even start questioning the existence of your boss. Why the devil incarnate wouldn't give you the chance of promotion, of proving your worth. If only we are given equal opportunity to grow and get the support of our peers and superiors, then I guess we can achieve something.

Contradictory to the statement above, what is the logic behind a promotion anyway? So that you can have a massive stroke and die young? That defeats the purpose, doesn't it? Promotion equates to more responsibilities, and more responsibilities means longer hours. Longer hours coupled with stress equates to a heart attack and eventually, death. For sometime now, I have avoided the same fate that some peers have faced (not death I mean). I was fairly happy with where I was in my career. But you gotta admit, promotion means getting a higher paycheck. A higher paycheck means making the most of it--meaning spending. You want to have that occasional pat in the back by means of buying yourself some expensive item that you wouldn't normally buy. Splurge. More importantly, you also want to save up for the rainy days, for the future.

With the exception of the filthy rich who are not like you and me, life incessantly and mercilessly throws us off balance. Your dreams are always out of reach and/or unrealistic. You end up choosing the most practical and yet you still find yourself making ends meet. Even more aggrevating if you happen to have a few mouths to feed. Expenses seem to pile up, you cut corners in order to save. Yep, that's the preoccupation of most people these days, and I'm no exception.

Nevertheless, there's one thing that I do care to admit: the fact that I like surprises--good surprises for the most part. It's the spice of life. It's what makes us continue living. It makes everything seem worth the sacrifice and the pain. Though in some instances, surprises could become stumbling blocks to your path of success. But I believe that if you keep an open mind, given the proper motivation and a solid affirmation that you're going to emerge a winner, then everything will just fall into place. Yes, life sucks sometimes, especially when you're having a bad day one after another. Everyone has bad moments, that moment when you experience anxiety attacks, afraid of the future, afraid of failing altogether. I guess that's normal-- as long as they're not excessive of course. In those circumstances, you could lose your momentum and it could break your spirit. There is truth in the passage: 'You are what you believe yourself to be.' That is my personal motto these days. I want to believe I can make it. I want to believe, period.

carpe diem

If you have a 'carpe diem' moment, a chance to be spontaneous for one day, what would it be? Mine is listed below :

1. Drop whatever I'm doing in the office and just walk out.
2. Tell my boss exactly what I think of him/her.
3. Take a nice bubble bath.
4. Eat a lot of ice cream in all possible flavors.
5. Eat a lot of cake in all possible flavors.
6. Bungee jump.
7. Learn to play the violin.
8. Learn to play the piano.
9. Take dancing lessons, preferably salsa.
10. Participate in a pie-eating contest.
11. Audition for a rock band.
12. Audition for a play (preferably a role in Rent or any Shakespeare play).
13. Learn to skydive.
14. Publish my own book.
15. Build a school.
16. Travel.
17. Bathe in the fountain fully clothed.
18. Participate in car racing.
19. Participate in an archeological explorations.
20. Go treasure-hunting.

. . . and then some :

21. Enroll in an art class
22. Make my own perfume
23. Enroll in pottery-making
24. Purchase an island
25. Discover the fountain of youth
26. Invent something
27. Put up my own restaurant
28. Purchase a 2-bedroom condo unit
29. Ride off into the sunset with the man of my dreams.
30. Tell the man of my dreams that I love him, that he's 'The One'.