booked

i'm reading the sequel to the bestseller book by the same authors of Holy Blood, Holy Grail. The controversial book which was one of Dan Brown's sources/inspiration for writing The Da Vinci Code (i can't wait to see the movie). Hence, i haven't been posting anything in this blog. The said sequel is as interesting as the first one. It's non-fiction so it's all facts and figures. Mostly about the origin of Christianity as we know it, as well as controversial topics which are still being deliberated today, such as the 'infamous' connection between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene. It's interesting to note that Christianity is merely an accident in history and that Jesus' divinity was a result of a vote in the council attended by the church fathers. So he was a mortal man after all, who had a twin brother and who sired children. Hmmmm... The facts are quite explosive and addicting, not to mention mind-boggling. And so I have to finish the book...

tag questions

QUESTION: What are the things you enjoy doing even when there's no one around you?

-- listening to kick-ass music, reading a good book, singing in my head, drifting off to a nice fantasy world, malling even without the moolah, bumming around, catching up on my zzzzs

QUESTION : What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?

-- pilates (when I was still active); engaging myself in a pep talk to boost my flailing confidence sometimes; listening to music; gorge on food trips; reading a nice novel; sleep, sleep, sleep!

* Tag five friends and ask them to post it in theirs.

-- Tata
-- Gina
-- Kenny
-- Shey
-- Ilen

name game

with special thanks to karla for finding this one for me...

AGNES

Although the name Agnes creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses through worry, mental tension, and tension or accidents to the head.

Your name of Agnes has created a practical, responsible, stable nature, and you desire to direct the efforts of others rather than to take order or ask permission. You have a determined, self-reliant, capable nature and resent any interference, although in your desire to help you are inclined to become involved in the lives and decisions of other people. You like to make your own decisions and to be the master of your domain. You feel a limitation in your own expression when it is necessary to reach another through tact and understanding.

a walk to remember

i love the smell of baking bread early in the morning when I come to work... I usually pass by at this small bakery in our place around 5am and I can smell freshly-baked bread wafting through the air everytime I walk by.

another angst song

Rock'N'Roll Lifestyle
by: Cake

well, your CD collection looks shiny and costly
how much did you pay for your bad Moto Guzi?
and how much did you spend on your black leather jacket?
is it you or your parents in this income tax bracket?

now tickets to concerts and drinking at clubs
sometimes for music that you haven't even heard of
and how much did you pay for your rock'n'roll t-shirt
that proves you were there, that you heard of them first?

how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
oh, tell me.

how much did you pay for the chunk of his guitar
the one he ruthlessly smashed at the end of the show?
and how much will he pay for a brand new guitar
one which he'll ruthlessly smash at the end of another show?
and how long will the workers keep building him new ones?
as long as their soda cans are red, white, and blue ones
and how long will the workers keep building him new ones?
as long as their soda cans are red, white, and blue ones

aging black leather and hospital bills
tattoo removal and dozens of pills
your liver pays dearly now for youthful magic moments
but rock on completely with some brand new components.

how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?

excess ain't rebellion
you're drinking what they're selling
your self-destruction doesn't hurt them
your chaos won't convert them
they're so happy to rebuild it
you'll never really kill it

yeah, excess ain't rebellion
you're drinking what they're selling
excess ain't rebellion
you're drinking, you're drinking
you're drinking what they're selling

on swallowing the bitter pill: random thoughts on relationships gone sour

just because you have complete trust on your significant other doesn't give you license to neglect the relationship. This especially holds true when we talk about distant relationships. Anything can happen when you're apart. One of you might attempt to be with somebody else, not because you want to cheat but because you just miss being around with someone and so you try to emulate that with the first attractive person you meet. What's the point of keeping an eleven-year old relationship when you're apart from each other most of the time? You're just wasting your precious time. And don't give me that crap about emotional investments. It doesn't work that way, apparently.

That's what happened to the classmate of a friend. This classmate is a guy who works in the city (the big bad city, if you will). He left behind his girlfriend in the province. The guy found out recently that his long-time girlfriend just got hitched to another guy and left him hanging. This happened right under his nose! I don't know the entire story but I could only assume. This guy is trying desperately to rationalize that the only reason his girlfriend got married to another guy is because of money, or lack of it. The girl didn't actually came from the 'buena familia'.

Poor guy is completely heartbroken. He was so clueless something was going on with his sweet girlfriend. I told my friend that there's nothing we can do about it now. The best thing he could do is to accept the fact and just learn to let go. Life goes on. Emotional investment down the drain.

Trust isn't the only thing that would make the relationship smooth-sailing. Nurturing the relationship is always good, coupled with TLC. It is important to remember that the actual presence of your boyfriend would matter a lot in a relationship, and not a photo saved on your mobile phone, nor a ghost, nor a replica of himself. Certainly not the pillow that you hug at night ...

going mental

i worry that my time has already passed me by... i worry that there are a lot of newbies in the world out there clawing their way up the corporate ladder; hungry for success, for conquests, for big breaks that was never thrown my way. Or opportunities and offers that I never risk taking. This may sound an exaggeration, maybe it is.

It pains me to know that my carefree days are nearly over. Gone was the girl who sees things in rose-colored glasses, who brightens up whenever she has novel ideas, who writes & argues passionately, who has eternal hope for the humankind, who was in contradiction with a lot of things, with society and even herself, who was at odds with the rest of the world.

I was so looking forward to growing up and getting what I want that I just might have missed the glory days of youth. Perhaps I grew up too fast-- emotionally. I live with my own tenets and principles & ideas and arguments and what-have-yous. When I was younger, I balk at the mere idea of following orders from authority (actually I still do that sometimes). I didn't like joining the majority. I strive to be different from everyone else.

I always believe that life shouldn't be taken too seriously. Your brains will just fall out on you if you do so. Now I worry that my brain size has shrunk to a mere pea size and is ready to give out. I worry that my ubiquitous charm is starting to lose its magic, that I just might lose an audience instead of dazzle them with my biting wit. Since when did I became so serious with life? Since when the hell did I care about what other people think? Or care about what do they have to say for that matter? Did I lose my spark? Did I miss a step? Did I skip a beat? Did I lose my balance?

Maybe the vertigo experience has finally caught up with me. Trust me, I was there when my world suddenly started spinning around me (literally & figuratively), I was actually scared of falling down at that time. How was it that someone who wasn't actually living the fast lane (translation: smoking, bingeing, endless partying) ended up in vertigo land? I never tried smoking, I don't drink much, and I am certainly no party animal. I just enjoy hanging out with friends & colleagues. I go out occasionally. But still, it didn't stop the dark forces in getting their grip on me, pulling me back to the dark recesses of the underworld and the underdogs.

The horrific thing that could happen is to find myself landing amongst the bleak presence of mediocrity and its utterly boring inhabitants. And it ain't easy to belong to these maddening crowd. Sooner or later i would become an annoyance, I would be so wrapped up about the mundane things, silly things, inconsequential things, superficial things... The utter insignificance... I worry alright. So what gives?

just wondering

i wonder why most men don't really appreciate the little things that you do for them. By the time they noticed it, it's already too late. There might have been an argument over the most trivial of things which most probably stemmed out from the lack of one simple word or gesture of appreciation. A nice "thank you" would've been good enough. Naturally, you feel crushed that none of your efforts were noticed. Seeing to it that all his needs were met doesn't mean your partner has to neglect expressing his appreciation or gratitude. I mean, who keeps his things at home tidy and in order? You make sure that he wouldn't have any difficulty locating his things. No dirty shirts lying around, shoes strewn about, important files missing, etc. You don't want to give him a headache when he gets home right? And yet, they tend to overlook these things.

Now I know why there are nagging housewives out there. It makes perfect sense. If you tell your significant other to take out the trash, the message wouldn't register the first time. He wouldn't dare budge. He hears you alright but he tends to procrastinate. But if you repeat what you said over and over again, until his brain finally catches up & puts him into motion, that's the only time you're going to see a result. If I'm not mistaken, this concept is actually derived from John Gray's bestseller book, "Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus"--- ooops! It's the other way around: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". The explanation for this 'phenomena' is because men & women have different perspectives and thus have different views on doing things. Also, maybe because our society is so patriarchal and so archaic that these men when they were just little boys were just tolerated & given free reign to play around all day and just leave the domestic stuff to their mothers & their sisters which is pretty sexist really, if you ask me. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm only confined to the kitchen or the house. That's probably the reason why i never learned how to cook. I simply refused to believe that all little girls should slave around at home while they let their brothers roam free around the house.

I remember when I was growing up I was told by a relative (a spinster aunt) who lives with us that time that I should be the one to prepare meals for our brothers whenever our mother's not around because that's all little girls are trained to do, make sure the men in the house don't starve to death. The moment I heard her say that, I simply stormed out of the kitchen and locked myself in my room. I simply refuse to be typecast as such. For me, there are a million ways to prove your worth, and not just around the house.

This is what our society is actually made us believe, (or is it the matrix?). They condone the "annoying" habits of our men, whether they are drunkards, trigger-happy folks, womanizers or just a lazy bunch of freaks. Why do you think men like that exists? Maybe because out of habit, we have tolerated it since time immemorial. Maybe because most women are content with their domestic lives and are simply happy to be confined in the kitchen. Or maybe they think it's part of their married life, that they should just be grateful they have a husband at all. Our society thrives on double standards. If a guy sleeps around, he is considered a 'stud', but if a girl sleeps around, she is branded a 'slut'. Guess who suffers the stigma. How politically-incorrect. That's why I like the new breed of men these days, the metrosexuals. They are more sensitive and are more aware of their surroundings and just about happy to extend their contribution to humankind. Most of all, they are in touch with their feminine side which makes them more humane-- and attractive.

on charlatans & shenanigans

some people think that following a current trend will make them part of the cool crowd. I guess they're badly mistaken. It only makes them a poor, hapless 'fashion victim', a replica of everybody else, just a sheep among the flock; unnoticeable, unoriginal & truly uninspiring. Just all blah. Jumping the bandwagon only goes to show the lack of creativity and individuality in oneself. I get really annoyed with people who force themselves to wear the same look just because their favorite stars are donning them. You should know what style fits you best and what doesn't. No use messing with a look that would only make you look frumpy instead of fabulous. Find your own style and stick with it. Just because an orange lipstick looked great on say, Angelina Jolie doesn't mean it would look great on you. Of course you can also do experiments but make sure it will reflect on who and what you are, not somebody else. And if you want to impersonate somebody from the 80's, like karate kid for instance, don't you think it's a little bit passe already? Or are you in a 80's time warp? People aren't amused by that, you know.

Don't you just hate it when some girls act like drama queens, and some are totally imbeciles? Why can't they just drop the act and be themselves for once? Frankly, you aren't gonna impress anybody with your childish, 'pa-cute' act. Maybe because there's nothing inside that brain of yours? Or is it just malfunctioning? It turns off people when you whine all the time, do you know that? I would've liked you if you were your true self. Enough of that.

And finally, the bane of my existence, why do zits develop so big one can actually spot them like a mile away? Just when you thought everything is finally going smoothly for a week, this epitome of cruelty suddenly shows up. I can feel it growing on my face! Yeah it's the stress, the estrogen level, the oil secretion, change in lifestyle, yada yada yada! I just hate the sight of it, you ugly freak of a zit! Why can't you just go away, disappear forever?

oh captain, my captain

we just lost a brilliant man. I cannot for the life of me imagine that he would be gone so soon. I was stupefied when I first heard the news. The man behind the colorful Hawaiian shirts have been a great example to the youth and the idealists. He is indeed irreplaceable. One cannot easily find such a great persona. His character stood out amongst other politicians. I have been a great admirer of this man since I was in college. Never have I known a statesman who is consistent with his ideals and his vision for the people and the country (except for Joker Arroyo perhaps). A true patriot. He could've been and I quote "the best president this country never had." He could've done a lot for this country. He had high hopes for the country and he had great belief in our countrymen. With him, patriotism was not dead. His example for a clean & honest governance is highly commendable. I admire him not because he's a fellow Bicolano. I admired him for his utter brilliance. I love how his mind works. He sticks to his principles even if that would make him unpopular or boring to the masses, as it was shown in the last presidential elections. I was able to read his political platform when he ran for presidency. Anyone who knows his background would be amazed at how this man rose to the ranks. He was upfront and analytical, yet he kept it simple, he chose to address the most important and the most basic issues of the land and preferred not to be caught up in the circus that is politics. He wasn't that popular in the last elections, in fact he wasn't even a favorite of the majority. Most of all, I admired this man for passionately upholding the welfare and rights of women. He is a defender of women's rights. If it wasn't for his illness, he could've given GMA a run for her money. He could even be a possible successor to GMA if she is impeached. It was just unfortunate that he chose to leave.

series of unfortunate events

not good... that's about sums up my rest day hiatus. I'm back in the office & I'm not exactly an epitome of sunshine. My muscles are still complaining from the strenous work I have managed to do during my rest day (sorting out my stuff, packing, cleaning the place, groceries, paying the bills, etc). I have been doing the packing for the last 5 days and I'm not done yet. Apparently, my estimated timeframe for the packing was wrong. I didn't realize I have accumulated a lot of stuff for the past 2 years. The process of relocating to another house just pooped me out, and I haven't even moved out yet. I barely managed to sleep a wink this past week.

The unpredictable weather added to my distress. I would go out on an errand one super hot afternoon and end up going home soaked to my skin which had left me coughing & sneezing. It didn't help that I had mini-arguments with my boyfriend. We were both under pressure.

My present landlady had made it difficult for me to live peacefully for the past few months due to her ridiculous terms, a contradiction to the original agreement we had, & the contract I have signed. I also found myself in the middle of her family squabbles (inheritance, taking sides, what else?), one thing that I refused to be part of. Did I mention that my landlady has Parkinson's disease? Whenever we see each other, her arms seem to be all over the place, muscles twitching here & there. Even her head doesn't seem to go in just one direction. That's probably the reason why her mind is also all over the place. Last night she came over with her maid & gave me a bowl of hot lomi to help me get well from my colds. She was super nice. I don't know if she was being two-faced or just being neighborly. Anyhow, I hope I can already settle in my new place next week...