everybody likes controversy

i think it's very brave of GMA to actually admit it was her on the 'infamous tape'. I could forgive her for that. For me, addressing the controversy and apologizing to the country is highly admirable and commendable. At least she was honest enough to admit her mistakes & take responsibility for it, unlike other politicians who would just deny it to the high heavens even though it's pretty obvious already. I'm not an Arroyo supporter but I would rather have her as President of this country than any of those opposition contenders (if there's any at all) who don't know anything about the economy anyway or how to properly handle them. They don't get the point anyway. So what if she cheated? It's not something new. Duh! Let's face it, everybody cheats in the elections. Even Ramos cheated. The only difference is that GMA was caught. And she is actually doing her best to handle the country's problems. You gotta start somewhere, right? I mean, she only inherited the country's problems from past administrations. You cannot possibly solve ALL of them in just one term! Geez, people expect to see change at the snap of a finger! It's not like you blame her for the oil price increase! Hello! It's the global market! Everyone is affected! It's beyond the President's control. Changes will just manifest themselves, just give her the chance. So give GMA a break already. 'Nuff said.

notice anything new here? I've added pictures! I thought these are images of some of the things that express my personality-- a bit of a mystical, something out-of-this-world... a person's journey to the ethereal subconscious... a far-cry from the mediocre environment that I am in...

tuesdays with me

i hate tuesdays, that's all I can say! Coming to work on a tuesday is hell for me. You can't get a decent seat in the office and it's always noisy when I arrive!

confession

i have a disease-- an incurable one. I've had this for quite some time now. As a matter of fact, I have acquired it just recently. Symptoms are: inexplainable racy heart palpitations, combined with perplexing sommersaults felt mainly in the gut, loss of appetite, lightheadedness, a weakening of the joints and limbs centering on the knees, breathlessness, a sensation of euphoria, coldness in the palms and feet, nervousness, insomnia, then finally, giddiness. Surprisingly, these symptoms have resulted in my momentary feelings of bliss, similar to a utopian experience.

In case the reader is wondering, no, I haven't been thrown to the looney bin, inspite of what these manifestations tell you. I have never consulted a doctor nor any other professional about my condition and I haven't taken any medication for this disease either, especially not any of those depressants. But I have done some research based on those symptoms I have experienced so far. I have taken it upon myself to trace the cause and the development of my condition which eventually led me to the conclusion that it is caused by a certain feeling and what is popularly called "falling in love".

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who has experienced this. Millions of people have contracted the disease as well, as it tends to spread rapidly. In fact, most people have gone through this experience early on in their lives. Arguably, this condition had also been the cause of deaths of mostly young people. Sure, they have experienced the same symptoms but some people take it to the extreme.

My experience had come as of late, as I am what you call a late bloomer in the scheme of things. What I can tell you is that I have enjoyed this feeling of falling in love quite immensely. It is a state of mind where you actually feel better about yourself, that you are of value to another person, to other people. That you can do great things, good things for the most part. One can just marvel at how falling in love could feel so good. It even makes Tom Cruise uncharacteristically jump around on Oprah's couch, or so it seems...

bummer

I was cruisin' down ayala avenue this morning on my way to the office feeling cool, calm and collected. I was singing in my head to the tune of sybil's 'make it easy' when the jeepney's radio suddenly blared that annoying parokya ni edgar song, 'first day funk'! Blast! That ruined my otherwise serene morning! I have nothing against parokya ni edgar, but hearing the same song over and over again on the radio, seeing the video on tv, it kinda gets irritating! Goodness, the song is everywhere! aaargh!!

one of those days huh?

tuesday morning: I have this throbbing pain in my head, the result of an interrupted sleep caused by unavoidable circumstances (and I'm not talking about a romp in the bed, nor a crazy night in a bar either) . As usual, my energy level is down this morning when I came in for work. I feel groggy and wobbly, my eyes still half-closed. Jo-Anne was grudgingly cheerful today (actually, she's always like that in the morning!). She was happily chatting with me as soon as I took my seat next to her and I couldn't grasp exactly what she was tawking about. Was I even listening to her? (I hope she doesn't read this though, he he). All I could hear was static in my head and a weird buzzing sound-- oh wait! Wasn't the buzzing sound came from the GY reps who were still busy closing sales? That must be it.

Around 11am, my head was already killing me. And yet, I didn't make an effort to take any medicine for it. I didn't even have an appetite to have lunch. I couldn't decide what to eat, anyway. All I want to do is just to hit the sack, that's all I could think of. It wasn't just last night that I didn't get enough sleep. The lack of sleep has been piling up the past couple of days. My situation at my present abode is most likely the culprit. The thought of seeing my landlady's daughter living downstairs with me with her 3 midgets and a loser of a husband just ruins my mood already. I don't even want to mention any unpalatable details anymore regarding them. I am moving out of that place after next month so the process of looking for a new place just added to my stressed nerves. Here's hoping that I would be able to get some rest tomorrow. My brain isn't functioning properly right now so I have to end this miserable soliloquy...

love this song too

Question Everything
by: 8 Stops 7

Ever since I was a child
You always said that I should understand the rules
You take some and give less
Sit high above the rest...don't you

As I ask a simple question
Cuts me off with his reply
He's been practicing for decades
Now he thinks I have the time
He flows in and out of riddles
Looking me straight in the eye
But it seems like something's missing
From the days when he was more my size

Chorus:
Ten years older and I've finally found my pride
This old man comes rolling home to die
Old feelings make it hard to decide
Just what it means to me

Everything exists 'tween black and white
You can twist and distort the most blatant of lies
Or just offer up solutions
Practiced only in your mind
I lost half my life to wisdom
So forgive me if I...

Come off sounding bitter
If my words push you away
If I seem surprised to see you
Lying here in front of me
Just consider what you're asking
And give me a little time
I'm still having trouble breathing
Cuz up to now I've never seen you cry

(Chorus)

No son of mine Should I be sleeping
No son of mine As if you never understood
That I don't need your help
Don't have to save me from myself
Or take me out to prove
That I should live my life like you

As I ask a simple question
Cuts me off with his reply
He's been practicing for decades
But I am listening this time
He flows in and out of riddles
Stories change without the wine
But at least he seems much clearer on
How it feels to be my size

(Chorus)

Ten years older and I've finally found my pride
This old man comes rolling home to die
Old feelings make it hard to decide
Just what it means to me
What it means to me
What it means to me
What it means to me

i like the lyrics of this song...

Galileo

by: indigo girls

Galileo’s head was on the block
The crime was looking up for truth
And as the bombshells of my daily fears explode
I try to trace them to my youth

And then you had to bring up reincarnation
Over a couple of beers the other night
And now I’m serving time for mistakes
Made by another in another lifetime

How long till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light
I call on the resting soul of Galileo
king of night vision, king of insight

And then I think about my fear of motion
Which I never could explain
Some other fool across the ocean years ago
Must have crashed his little airplane

How long till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach that kind of light
I call on the resting soul of Galileo
king of night vision, king of insight

I’m not making a joke, you know me
I take everything so seriously
If we wait for the time till all souls get it right
Then at least I know there’ll be no nuclear annihilation
In my lifetime I’m still not right

I offer thanks to those before me
That’s all I’ve got to say
’cause maybe you squandered big bucks in your lifetime
Now I have to pay
But then again it feels like some sort of inspiration
To let the next life off the hook
But she’ll say look what I had to overcome from my last life
I think I’ll write a book

How long till my soul gets it right
Can any human being ever reach the highest light
Except for Galileo, God rest his soul
(except for the resting soul of galileo)
king of night vision, king of insight

How long (till my soul gets it right)
(til we reach the highest light)
How long(till my soul gets it right)
(til we reach the highest light)
How long

crazy little thing called love

the stupid things you do for love... you are sane enough to know that it's not probably the wisest move but then again, you still wanna go ahead and do it. All for the sake of love. I'm not tawkin' about resulting yourself to becoming a martyr (or a saint--- or even a slave?). But you gotta admit, there are things that you would willingly do to win the affection of someone, or please your significant other-- whether it be lap dancing (joke!), cooking or avoiding the booze and smoking. Others go to the extreme, well aware of its possible consequences. Am I talking nonsense here?

They say that when you're in love, everything goes berserk. You can't really talk sense out of someone who is determined to do stuff for their loved ones, even at the risk of looking positively silly or hurting someone else in the process, or hurting yourself. For you it's all about the end justifying the means. This is because the heart alone operates-- emotions run high, the stakes are higher. Without the proper intervention of the brain which analyzes your actions/emotions, the decisions that you eventually make will fall short of what you really want in the first place. Then again, you will look back someday and acknowledge the silliness of your actions, but you would still probably acknowledge the fact that it did help you in more ways than one. There are risks that you would take-- even at the expense of others. Because, you reason out, if you do nothing, you might lose the person that you love. Of course, the primordial fear here is losing someone altogether. That same fear motivates you to change your ways, or better yet, improve yourself-- make sure that your loved one won't leave you or won't lose his affection for you. Competition is tough out there, you realize. Better hang on to your man, ladies! Or else, someone will steal him away...

French Spring in Manila

10th French Film Festival
Panorama of the French Contemporary Cinema
June 3-15 Greenbelt 1, Ayala Center, Makati & June 24-26 Ayala Center, Cebu City
June 03 to June 26, 2005

Cinema is a major component of Philippine society.

French cinema has found its place in the hearts of the Filipino movie-goers. In ten years, the French Film Festival has brought to theaters in Manila some of the most outstanding works of contemporary directors, as diverse as Amélie, 8 Femmes or the box-office hit,Taxi.

Images speak louder than words ; as the language barrier is broken by the charm and elegance of French actors and scenery, the local audience is able to identify with the culture portrayed in French films, the societal situations, the values, the romance, and the humor. There is a growing audience looking for something new, something different to watch on the silver screen. The Film Festival thus provides an excellent venue not only for a cultural experience, but truly, to promote the diversity of cultures.

The 10th Anniversary of the French Film Festival shall be a celebration of contemporary French cinema in Manila as it enters the commercial circuit with the release of new movies, in cooperation with some of the biggest Film Distributors in the country.

It shall feature around 15 films currently showing in cineplexes in Paris, such as Ils se marièrent et eurent beaucoup d'enfants by Yvan Attal, 5 X 2 by François Ozon, and 36 Quai des Orfèvres by Oilvier Marchal, as well as a collection of Police Thrillers.

Entrance Fee : 50 Php

FILMS :

And They Lived Happily Ever After byYvan Attal
A Very Long Engagement by Jean-Pierre Jeunet
5 X 2 by François Ozon
Le Boulet by Alain Berbérian & Frédéric Forestier
Pas Sur La Bouche by Alain Resnais
Garde à Vue by Claude Miller
Vivement Dimanche by François Truffaut
Inspecteur Lavardin by Claude Chabrol
L.627 by Bertrand Tavernier
Le Poulpe by Guillaume Nicloux
L'Affaire Marcorelle by Serge Le Péron
Les Marchands de Sable by Pierre Salvadori
Scènes de Crimes by Frédéric Schoendoerffer
Violence des Echanges en Milieu Tempéré by Jean-Marc Moutout
Mon Idôle by Guillaume Canet

Tribute to Philippine Cinema :

Panaghoy sa Suba by Cesar Montano
Dekada 70 by Chito Rono
Bagong Buwan by Marilou Diaz-Abaya
Milan by Olivia Lamasan
Batang Trapo by Mes de Guzman
Liyab by Sockie Fernandez

.... and a selection of short films from Clermont-Ferrand Short Film Festival

even cowgirls get the blues

on my way to the office this morning, I was thinking about my former male best friend. I was saddened about the fact that we are no longer together, we don't even talk now. We went our separate ways. It's been more than a year now since I've last spoken with the guy. You read about male & female friendship transcending into a romantic relationship.This is one of the few cases of a platonic girl-boy relationship which didn't develop that way. The friendship didn't even withstand the test of time. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, to disappear from his life entirely. I don't know if he ever knew the reason behind my disappearance. I guess I'll never know if he felt the same way too, that we had to part ways. I wonder sometimes if he tried contacting me in some way. I wondered if he has thought about me at all or what have become of me.

You see, the situation had something to do with the fact that one of us (him actually) wasn't exactly honest towards the other. The friendship as far as I was concerned, was going smoothly. Until that fateful day when he suddenly blurted the "L" word. I would never forget that day. It was like our whole relationship was turned upside down. I was flabbergasted! The friend whom I thought I knew well wasn't forthcoming about his feelings. I felt like I was duped in a way. The entire time that we were friends he never even gave a hint about what he felt. All the while I thought he finally found the girl he wanted to marry, which was nearly the case. This other girl was set to marry him in a few months time and there he was confessing something so totally absurd! How was I suppose to react? Be flattered? Well, I wasn't. His engagement was called off eventually-- turned out his fiancee also fell in love with a colleague during the course of their engagement.

The thing was, I couldn't imagine him and me being romantically involved. For me he was a friend who'll always be around for me, almost a brother. I asked him if we could just remain friends but he told me he couldn't deal with merely being friends anymore. That's why he had to come out and confess his feelings for me. But since I didn't feel the same way, he just opted to go away for awhile instead. It would do him good, he said. So I let him be.

After that, we never get to the point of going back to normal again. I knew it will never be the same again. There was an unspoken awkwardness between us. We never discussed what happened again. It was like, we were avoiding the topic. There was only one time when I mustered enough courage to bring it up one last time. Up to now, I couldn't fathom why he felt that way about me, or why he never told me about it during the early stage of our friendship. It could've saved us a lot of trouble-- and embarrassment. But he refused to talk about it anymore, he said it was too painful for him to even mention about it.

A few months after that incident, after his respite abroad, he told me that he was almost over me. But I was doubtful. I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth then. Maybe he just lied so that I won't feel sorry for him. That was the last time we spoke to each other. I heard he eventually married someone and had a baby. Sometimes I was tempted to pick up the phone and call him. But I never did. It was better that way. I didn't want to intrude or interfere in his life anymore. But I missed the friendship...

keeping up with the joneses

i was watching the telly last night when I was distracted by the ringing of my mobile phone. It was an old friend calling me up to say Hi after a long hiatus of not seeing each other. We have been keeping in touch thru email and text and yet even though we both work in Makati (our offices are just a few buildings away along Ayala Ave), we still don't get to meet up for lunch or anything else. My fault actually. I know it could really be frustrating for her because I usually have some excuses. Not that I do it intentionally but my schedule is so erratic and I'm almost always with my s.o. all the time, so....

Sometimes I feel guilty for neglecting our friendship. Thank God she understands! I really admire her patience and understanding. I gotta say, she is really a very good friend. I have known Tina since we were in college and up to now, we're still friends. There was only one instance when she intentionally chose to remain quiet for a couple of months just to teach me a lesson. She never replied to my text messages, emails, and never even answered my calls. I was thrown into a panic. Numerous thoughts entered my mind. Her phone could've been lost or stolen. Something bad happened, like an accident or she went missing. I also thought about the possibility that she could be mad at me for something I have done. So I apologised thru text for whatever it was that I have done wrong. But of course she finally told me the real reason behind her silence. Perhaps I diregarded her friendship merely because she's just around and easy to reach. Now I've learned my lesson. Friends are important to me. I value their opinion. I take heed to their advice. They add color to my otherwise boring life. I can't say I won't make the same mistakes again but I sure will remember not to neglect the people around me...

chasing liberty

whew! I just saw the last episode of the amazing race 7 and I just have to say that I'm happy it wasn't rob & amber who won. I was really rooting for the black couple, uchenna & joyce because they were such a nice couple and they have been kinder to the other teams. Rob & amber's arrogance finally caught up with them. They thought they have everything figured out. The only reason why they were leading at first is because of other people helping them out while the other teams were on their own. It was an adrenaline-filled race up to the finish line. Uchenna & joyce deserved to win the $1 million. Losing joyce's hair was all worth it after all...

drop it like it's hot!

i look out the window and I see the Statue of Liberty-- huh? Wait a second! Oh, it was the skyscrapers of smog-filled Makati. For a moment there I thought I was living in a foreign land. From way up here (the 31st floor), skyscrapers kinda looked the same. Well, I do work for an American company so that's probably the explanation of my momentary delusion or confusion. You would know it's Manila because of the humidity and the torturous heat enveloping the city (plus the traffic, the omnipresent smog, stupid jeepney/bus drivers who would just come to a screeching halt in the middle of the street in the middle of rush hour to pick up passengers, streetvendors and the lack of traffic enforcers). I'd say this is the worst summer I have experienced in the metropolis! Like the ubiquitous, Hell-Ay based Paris Hilton, the phrase "It's so hot!" is on everyone's lips these days. And unlike the blonde heiress' reference to anything fashionable or trendy, I am merely tawkin' about the freakin' weather. The heat makes you sweat like a pig even though you've just taken a bath! I have had this wave of nausea the past few days that made me sick to my stomach because of it. I thought I was pregnant and it was a cause for alarm I would say. My panic-stricken s.o. rushed to the nearest pharmacy and bought one of those kit thingy. We were safe. whew! These days I'd like to linger in the office for the free airconditioning. Nuff said. Prices are skyrocketing, blood pressures are escalating, consumers are hyperventilating, the masses have become restless, graft & corruption have gotten worst, local showbiz is going down the drain, talk shows are being reprimanded. So what's next?

you had me at hello

so it was all for nothing... I wasn't part of the 'exodus' team (thank you jayna for the term) after all. My name was taken off the list of those people who would be transferring to another account. After three days of torturing myself thinking what would my life be in that account and whether I would be willing enough to make changes, someone finally told me it's not gonna happen. So it pays to have a not-so-clean record eh? It's just sad that some friends were chosen (irene, mayie & bernie). I mean, it would probably be a good thing and a welcome change for some but I wouldn't be able to see them anymore, and to think you've spent most of your time with these people, you never imagined something like this will happen. Well, PS pulled another surprise once again, and this time it's for real. Maybe it's all for the best. Who knows, they'll be back sooner than you can say 'boo!'

unexpected

and so, during my supposed rest day, a colleague sent me a message informing me of the impending transfer of account. After my initial shock and self-doubt, I thought maybe it's a good idea, a welcome change. It could've been worse, you know. I've been stagnant in this account for a year now, maybe it's time to move on, move to greener pastures that is. I don't know the details yet, I'm still gathering data. In retrospect, I had fun staying in this account. I have learned a lot of things and gained friends along the way. Maybe it's about time to say goodbye to this account. If I stay longer, who knows if I would still enjoy my stay? Or if I'd still be welcome...

hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy & beyond

there are things in life that I regretted doing... things that seemed appropriate at that time, harmless at other times. Perhaps I wasn't thinking straight, or maybe I was too stubborn and just followed my heart's desire. Perhaps I was also vindictive, ruthless and judgemental, finicky at times and even downright childish. Yet all of these are part of growing up. Everyone is continously evolving as the world continues to spin in its axis. Short of taking a hike to the galaxy, change can not be avoided. All of us are driven to some kind of metamorphosis, whether we like it or not. We want to stamp our own gigantic footprint in the hopes of leaving some sort of legacy to the world, a memento. A proof that somehow we have lived. But I am straying too far now... I fervently wished that I could come back to the past and alter my mistakes, undo all the hurt it created amongst the people I have loved and relive the blissful moments. Thing is, I could just hope that pain could be erased entirely, that the gnawing numbness I sometimes feel which resided in the recesses of my heart could go away. The tragedy of being human! A lot of times I was tempted to just drop everything and vanish, never to be seen again. Perhaps the galaxy would be more friendlier and nicer. Just imagine the wonders that one could find in the galaxy!

under a microscope

last night, my boyfriend had finally met my family for the first time. It would've been easier if it was only my mother who was there. My mother don't usually ask too many questions, it's not in her nature. However, my uncles were there and my tita, not to mention my cousins so it was like the Spanish Inquisition! I actually cringe when one of my uncles asked my boyfriend pointblank what his intentions for me! Embarrassing, yes. But I was actually pleased that my uncle is concerned enough about my welfare. Growing up without a father, I don't know exactly how one would react that a daughter is in a serious relationship with a guy. Sure, my uncle was doubtful about the character of my boyfriend at first, but it was to be understood. He was protective of his niece and wants to make sure that my relationship will not end up like my parents. I was even glad that my uncle did just that, it only goes to show he cares about me. That actually endeared him to me even more. Although he lives abroad, he's still my favorite uncle. The rest of the family was accomodating enough with their hospitality. They made sure my bf felt at home. So now, he actually knows how this family works! Whew! I can't believe I survived that! I don't know exactly how my current relationship would end, or if it's gonna end at all. But it's nice to know that my family was nice to him. I hope he passed the test...

the wiccan rule of behaviour

The Wiccan Rede is the rule governing Wiccan behavior. It permits Wiccans to engage in any carefully considered action, as long as it harms nobody, including themselves. The Rede is reinforced by the Threefold Law. This is the belief that any harm or good that a Wiccan does to someone else comes back to hurt or benefit them -- magnified three times over. Both are mentioned in the Wiccan Credo, a poem about Wicca whose origin is unclear.

The Rede states that a Wiccan is free to do what ever they want to, as long as it does not harm themselves or anyone else. Harm is normally considered to include manipulation, domination, attempts to control, physically injure, emotionally harm, or hurt another person or group in any way.

The Threefold Law (a.k.a. the Law of Return) adds a reward for those who follow the Wiccan Rede, and a punishment for those who violate it. The law states that:

"All good that a person does to another returns three fold in this life; harm is also returned three fold."

Some followers of other religions have attributed many evil activities to Wiccans -- from the laying of curses to conducting love spells; from conducting human sacrifices to performing black magic. These actions are strictly forbidden to all followers of Wicca. In most cases, beliefs in evil magic by Wiccans can be traced back to European religious propaganda during the late Middle Ages and Renaissance in Western Europe which was used to justify witch hunting and burning.

the wiccan rede

Bide the Wiccan Law ye must,

In perfect Love and perfect Trust.

Eight words the Wiccan rede fulfill:

An' ye harm none, do what ye will.

What ye send forth comes back to thee

So ever mind the Law of Three.

Follow this with mind and heart,

Merry ye meet, and merry ye part.