booked

i'm reading the sequel to the bestseller book by the same authors of Holy Blood, Holy Grail. The controversial book which was one of Dan Brown's sources/inspiration for writing The Da Vinci Code (i can't wait to see the movie). Hence, i haven't been posting anything in this blog. The said sequel is as interesting as the first one. It's non-fiction so it's all facts and figures. Mostly about the origin of Christianity as we know it, as well as controversial topics which are still being deliberated today, such as the 'infamous' connection between Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalene. It's interesting to note that Christianity is merely an accident in history and that Jesus' divinity was a result of a vote in the council attended by the church fathers. So he was a mortal man after all, who had a twin brother and who sired children. Hmmmm... The facts are quite explosive and addicting, not to mention mind-boggling. And so I have to finish the book...

tag questions

QUESTION: What are the things you enjoy doing even when there's no one around you?

-- listening to kick-ass music, reading a good book, singing in my head, drifting off to a nice fantasy world, malling even without the moolah, bumming around, catching up on my zzzzs

QUESTION : What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?

-- pilates (when I was still active); engaging myself in a pep talk to boost my flailing confidence sometimes; listening to music; gorge on food trips; reading a nice novel; sleep, sleep, sleep!

* Tag five friends and ask them to post it in theirs.

-- Tata
-- Gina
-- Kenny
-- Shey
-- Ilen

name game

with special thanks to karla for finding this one for me...

AGNES

Although the name Agnes creates the urge to be reliable and responsible, we emphasize that it causes a blunt expression that alienates others. This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses through worry, mental tension, and tension or accidents to the head.

Your name of Agnes has created a practical, responsible, stable nature, and you desire to direct the efforts of others rather than to take order or ask permission. You have a determined, self-reliant, capable nature and resent any interference, although in your desire to help you are inclined to become involved in the lives and decisions of other people. You like to make your own decisions and to be the master of your domain. You feel a limitation in your own expression when it is necessary to reach another through tact and understanding.

a walk to remember

i love the smell of baking bread early in the morning when I come to work... I usually pass by at this small bakery in our place around 5am and I can smell freshly-baked bread wafting through the air everytime I walk by.

another angst song

Rock'N'Roll Lifestyle
by: Cake

well, your CD collection looks shiny and costly
how much did you pay for your bad Moto Guzi?
and how much did you spend on your black leather jacket?
is it you or your parents in this income tax bracket?

now tickets to concerts and drinking at clubs
sometimes for music that you haven't even heard of
and how much did you pay for your rock'n'roll t-shirt
that proves you were there, that you heard of them first?

how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
oh, tell me.

how much did you pay for the chunk of his guitar
the one he ruthlessly smashed at the end of the show?
and how much will he pay for a brand new guitar
one which he'll ruthlessly smash at the end of another show?
and how long will the workers keep building him new ones?
as long as their soda cans are red, white, and blue ones
and how long will the workers keep building him new ones?
as long as their soda cans are red, white, and blue ones

aging black leather and hospital bills
tattoo removal and dozens of pills
your liver pays dearly now for youthful magic moments
but rock on completely with some brand new components.

how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?
how do you afford your rock'n'roll lifestyle?

excess ain't rebellion
you're drinking what they're selling
your self-destruction doesn't hurt them
your chaos won't convert them
they're so happy to rebuild it
you'll never really kill it

yeah, excess ain't rebellion
you're drinking what they're selling
excess ain't rebellion
you're drinking, you're drinking
you're drinking what they're selling

on swallowing the bitter pill: random thoughts on relationships gone sour

just because you have complete trust on your significant other doesn't give you license to neglect the relationship. This especially holds true when we talk about distant relationships. Anything can happen when you're apart. One of you might attempt to be with somebody else, not because you want to cheat but because you just miss being around with someone and so you try to emulate that with the first attractive person you meet. What's the point of keeping an eleven-year old relationship when you're apart from each other most of the time? You're just wasting your precious time. And don't give me that crap about emotional investments. It doesn't work that way, apparently.

That's what happened to the classmate of a friend. This classmate is a guy who works in the city (the big bad city, if you will). He left behind his girlfriend in the province. The guy found out recently that his long-time girlfriend just got hitched to another guy and left him hanging. This happened right under his nose! I don't know the entire story but I could only assume. This guy is trying desperately to rationalize that the only reason his girlfriend got married to another guy is because of money, or lack of it. The girl didn't actually came from the 'buena familia'.

Poor guy is completely heartbroken. He was so clueless something was going on with his sweet girlfriend. I told my friend that there's nothing we can do about it now. The best thing he could do is to accept the fact and just learn to let go. Life goes on. Emotional investment down the drain.

Trust isn't the only thing that would make the relationship smooth-sailing. Nurturing the relationship is always good, coupled with TLC. It is important to remember that the actual presence of your boyfriend would matter a lot in a relationship, and not a photo saved on your mobile phone, nor a ghost, nor a replica of himself. Certainly not the pillow that you hug at night ...

going mental

i worry that my time has already passed me by... i worry that there are a lot of newbies in the world out there clawing their way up the corporate ladder; hungry for success, for conquests, for big breaks that was never thrown my way. Or opportunities and offers that I never risk taking. This may sound an exaggeration, maybe it is.

It pains me to know that my carefree days are nearly over. Gone was the girl who sees things in rose-colored glasses, who brightens up whenever she has novel ideas, who writes & argues passionately, who has eternal hope for the humankind, who was in contradiction with a lot of things, with society and even herself, who was at odds with the rest of the world.

I was so looking forward to growing up and getting what I want that I just might have missed the glory days of youth. Perhaps I grew up too fast-- emotionally. I live with my own tenets and principles & ideas and arguments and what-have-yous. When I was younger, I balk at the mere idea of following orders from authority (actually I still do that sometimes). I didn't like joining the majority. I strive to be different from everyone else.

I always believe that life shouldn't be taken too seriously. Your brains will just fall out on you if you do so. Now I worry that my brain size has shrunk to a mere pea size and is ready to give out. I worry that my ubiquitous charm is starting to lose its magic, that I just might lose an audience instead of dazzle them with my biting wit. Since when did I became so serious with life? Since when the hell did I care about what other people think? Or care about what do they have to say for that matter? Did I lose my spark? Did I miss a step? Did I skip a beat? Did I lose my balance?

Maybe the vertigo experience has finally caught up with me. Trust me, I was there when my world suddenly started spinning around me (literally & figuratively), I was actually scared of falling down at that time. How was it that someone who wasn't actually living the fast lane (translation: smoking, bingeing, endless partying) ended up in vertigo land? I never tried smoking, I don't drink much, and I am certainly no party animal. I just enjoy hanging out with friends & colleagues. I go out occasionally. But still, it didn't stop the dark forces in getting their grip on me, pulling me back to the dark recesses of the underworld and the underdogs.

The horrific thing that could happen is to find myself landing amongst the bleak presence of mediocrity and its utterly boring inhabitants. And it ain't easy to belong to these maddening crowd. Sooner or later i would become an annoyance, I would be so wrapped up about the mundane things, silly things, inconsequential things, superficial things... The utter insignificance... I worry alright. So what gives?

just wondering

i wonder why most men don't really appreciate the little things that you do for them. By the time they noticed it, it's already too late. There might have been an argument over the most trivial of things which most probably stemmed out from the lack of one simple word or gesture of appreciation. A nice "thank you" would've been good enough. Naturally, you feel crushed that none of your efforts were noticed. Seeing to it that all his needs were met doesn't mean your partner has to neglect expressing his appreciation or gratitude. I mean, who keeps his things at home tidy and in order? You make sure that he wouldn't have any difficulty locating his things. No dirty shirts lying around, shoes strewn about, important files missing, etc. You don't want to give him a headache when he gets home right? And yet, they tend to overlook these things.

Now I know why there are nagging housewives out there. It makes perfect sense. If you tell your significant other to take out the trash, the message wouldn't register the first time. He wouldn't dare budge. He hears you alright but he tends to procrastinate. But if you repeat what you said over and over again, until his brain finally catches up & puts him into motion, that's the only time you're going to see a result. If I'm not mistaken, this concept is actually derived from John Gray's bestseller book, "Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus"--- ooops! It's the other way around: "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". The explanation for this 'phenomena' is because men & women have different perspectives and thus have different views on doing things. Also, maybe because our society is so patriarchal and so archaic that these men when they were just little boys were just tolerated & given free reign to play around all day and just leave the domestic stuff to their mothers & their sisters which is pretty sexist really, if you ask me. Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm only confined to the kitchen or the house. That's probably the reason why i never learned how to cook. I simply refused to believe that all little girls should slave around at home while they let their brothers roam free around the house.

I remember when I was growing up I was told by a relative (a spinster aunt) who lives with us that time that I should be the one to prepare meals for our brothers whenever our mother's not around because that's all little girls are trained to do, make sure the men in the house don't starve to death. The moment I heard her say that, I simply stormed out of the kitchen and locked myself in my room. I simply refuse to be typecast as such. For me, there are a million ways to prove your worth, and not just around the house.

This is what our society is actually made us believe, (or is it the matrix?). They condone the "annoying" habits of our men, whether they are drunkards, trigger-happy folks, womanizers or just a lazy bunch of freaks. Why do you think men like that exists? Maybe because out of habit, we have tolerated it since time immemorial. Maybe because most women are content with their domestic lives and are simply happy to be confined in the kitchen. Or maybe they think it's part of their married life, that they should just be grateful they have a husband at all. Our society thrives on double standards. If a guy sleeps around, he is considered a 'stud', but if a girl sleeps around, she is branded a 'slut'. Guess who suffers the stigma. How politically-incorrect. That's why I like the new breed of men these days, the metrosexuals. They are more sensitive and are more aware of their surroundings and just about happy to extend their contribution to humankind. Most of all, they are in touch with their feminine side which makes them more humane-- and attractive.

on charlatans & shenanigans

some people think that following a current trend will make them part of the cool crowd. I guess they're badly mistaken. It only makes them a poor, hapless 'fashion victim', a replica of everybody else, just a sheep among the flock; unnoticeable, unoriginal & truly uninspiring. Just all blah. Jumping the bandwagon only goes to show the lack of creativity and individuality in oneself. I get really annoyed with people who force themselves to wear the same look just because their favorite stars are donning them. You should know what style fits you best and what doesn't. No use messing with a look that would only make you look frumpy instead of fabulous. Find your own style and stick with it. Just because an orange lipstick looked great on say, Angelina Jolie doesn't mean it would look great on you. Of course you can also do experiments but make sure it will reflect on who and what you are, not somebody else. And if you want to impersonate somebody from the 80's, like karate kid for instance, don't you think it's a little bit passe already? Or are you in a 80's time warp? People aren't amused by that, you know.

Don't you just hate it when some girls act like drama queens, and some are totally imbeciles? Why can't they just drop the act and be themselves for once? Frankly, you aren't gonna impress anybody with your childish, 'pa-cute' act. Maybe because there's nothing inside that brain of yours? Or is it just malfunctioning? It turns off people when you whine all the time, do you know that? I would've liked you if you were your true self. Enough of that.

And finally, the bane of my existence, why do zits develop so big one can actually spot them like a mile away? Just when you thought everything is finally going smoothly for a week, this epitome of cruelty suddenly shows up. I can feel it growing on my face! Yeah it's the stress, the estrogen level, the oil secretion, change in lifestyle, yada yada yada! I just hate the sight of it, you ugly freak of a zit! Why can't you just go away, disappear forever?

oh captain, my captain

we just lost a brilliant man. I cannot for the life of me imagine that he would be gone so soon. I was stupefied when I first heard the news. The man behind the colorful Hawaiian shirts have been a great example to the youth and the idealists. He is indeed irreplaceable. One cannot easily find such a great persona. His character stood out amongst other politicians. I have been a great admirer of this man since I was in college. Never have I known a statesman who is consistent with his ideals and his vision for the people and the country (except for Joker Arroyo perhaps). A true patriot. He could've been and I quote "the best president this country never had." He could've done a lot for this country. He had high hopes for the country and he had great belief in our countrymen. With him, patriotism was not dead. His example for a clean & honest governance is highly commendable. I admire him not because he's a fellow Bicolano. I admired him for his utter brilliance. I love how his mind works. He sticks to his principles even if that would make him unpopular or boring to the masses, as it was shown in the last presidential elections. I was able to read his political platform when he ran for presidency. Anyone who knows his background would be amazed at how this man rose to the ranks. He was upfront and analytical, yet he kept it simple, he chose to address the most important and the most basic issues of the land and preferred not to be caught up in the circus that is politics. He wasn't that popular in the last elections, in fact he wasn't even a favorite of the majority. Most of all, I admired this man for passionately upholding the welfare and rights of women. He is a defender of women's rights. If it wasn't for his illness, he could've given GMA a run for her money. He could even be a possible successor to GMA if she is impeached. It was just unfortunate that he chose to leave.

series of unfortunate events

not good... that's about sums up my rest day hiatus. I'm back in the office & I'm not exactly an epitome of sunshine. My muscles are still complaining from the strenous work I have managed to do during my rest day (sorting out my stuff, packing, cleaning the place, groceries, paying the bills, etc). I have been doing the packing for the last 5 days and I'm not done yet. Apparently, my estimated timeframe for the packing was wrong. I didn't realize I have accumulated a lot of stuff for the past 2 years. The process of relocating to another house just pooped me out, and I haven't even moved out yet. I barely managed to sleep a wink this past week.

The unpredictable weather added to my distress. I would go out on an errand one super hot afternoon and end up going home soaked to my skin which had left me coughing & sneezing. It didn't help that I had mini-arguments with my boyfriend. We were both under pressure.

My present landlady had made it difficult for me to live peacefully for the past few months due to her ridiculous terms, a contradiction to the original agreement we had, & the contract I have signed. I also found myself in the middle of her family squabbles (inheritance, taking sides, what else?), one thing that I refused to be part of. Did I mention that my landlady has Parkinson's disease? Whenever we see each other, her arms seem to be all over the place, muscles twitching here & there. Even her head doesn't seem to go in just one direction. That's probably the reason why her mind is also all over the place. Last night she came over with her maid & gave me a bowl of hot lomi to help me get well from my colds. She was super nice. I don't know if she was being two-faced or just being neighborly. Anyhow, I hope I can already settle in my new place next week...

one flew over the cuckoo's nest

given the current trend of political upheaval swirling the minds of the populace, the migration of people in one certain location have made life much easier, more bearable. These people (including yours truly) have found themselves retreating in cyberspace, with the hopes that this political nightmare will vanish into oblivion. And so the doors were swung open for bloggers. Constant chatter is the name of the game. Blogging has become a part of our consumer-driven lives. Our minds have become intertwined, blurring any borderlines that prevent us from interacting with others. This has become an avenue to contemplate on our experiences, vent out our frustrations, disappointments, points of view and numerous other vexations. It has become an integral part of our existence, a modern-day diary. An escape from a world of lies and deceit.

Anything and everything can happen here. It's your call, you play the game, you make the rules. Even people who aren't fond of expressing themselves have jumped into the bandwagon. If this was a looney bin, it certainly is a happy one! Any addition to a good source of laughter, tears and the like are very much appreciated. I guess what makes this group so unique is the fact that you can be downright silly (or serious) and not lose an audience. People read what you have to say; may it be an embarrassing experience, a sad moment or an exuberant, 5 minutes of fame. I'd say this is the ultimate modern version of a cuckoo's nest. Welcome to the club!

travelling gypsy

i will be moving to a new place by the end of the month. Hopefully, it will be better than my present abode, which has given me such a major headache the past few months. Similar to the gypsies, I've been moving a lot since I finished school a couple of years ago. I didn't wanna stay at a relative's house so I have been living independently eversince, which is what I preferred and it's really great because it taught me to be more responsible. I take care of my needs and I try to balance my finances. Besides, I don't have to deal with other people's house rules anymore. I make my own rules.

Living alone is a good start because if I were to go abroad (which I intend to do), I will be able to take care of myself and not depend too much on other people. The only setback is, I don't cook, much less bake. So I contend myself with dining out (read: fast food) most of the time (which proved to be costly), or just settle for simple cooked meals (translation: canned goods/processed food) which is the only skill I could claim so far. I'm not really good in the kitchen but maybe someday I would find the motivation to learn cooking.

Somehow, not born with a silver spoon in my mouth had made me see that the struggles you have experienced in life are better appreciated if you don't have a fat bank account or you don't rely mainly on your daddy's credit cards (paris hilton, is that you?). Because of my past struggles, I now know how to adjust myself in most situations and adapt to a life which is for the most part biased and unfair. It made me see that the only person responsible for your actions is yourself.

I like living alone because most of the time, I can do anything I want. Also, I find it quite interesting to live in a suitcase, so to speak. It's because the mere idea of being in one place for a long time doing the same things over and over again bores me to death. I don't like a mediocre life. I certainly don't like routines. There are far more interesting things to see and explore than to settle down with the mundane stuff. Maybe because I haven't established any roots yet. Maybe because I don't want it right now. Or I haven't found the right place that I would really love to settle in. I am still a work in progress; mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I would really like to travel someday, to a faraway, exotic place if possible. The only thing I hate about moving is packing my bags, which could prove really taxing.

eye candy

last saturday when I rode a jeepney going home, I chanced upon two schoolgirl passengers seated across from me. It would've been uneventful if not for the two girls canoodling right before my eyes. I didn't realize they were a couple, not until one of them (the skinny one) tenderly stroked her partner's face. It was then that I noticed the other girl's arm were wrapped around her companion's waist like any lover would do. They were so sweet with each other. It made me smile secretly. You know it's very rare that I get to see lesbian couples (even gay) doing PDA without a care in the world. Funny because it wasn't gross, in fact, it was actually nice of those 2 girls to openly show their affection to each other, and they were high school girls at that!

Now here's another story: one time, when I was quietly having my lunch at KFC, a few floors down my office, this twentysomething girl decided to share seats with me. That was okay since she looked decent enough to me. I didn't mind her that much for awhile, but I've noticed that she glanced at my I.D. and asked me if I work in PS, so I politely said yes. Then she asked me if I handle customer service so I told her I'm actually in sales (she wouldn't know the difference anyway). Then she started asking more questions, whether I am being paid a basic salary or thru commissions. Then she asked the ultimate question: how much am i being paid by PS? I was thinking like, whoa! hold on a minute here, I don't know you, why would you ask me such a personal question? I was already irritated so I just replied: "Oh, you have to go ask HR about it!" That silenced her. Nosy people!

shades of blue (and pink, yellow & then some)

i sink into semi-depression mode whenever there are changes happening in my life, unexpected or otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I welcome change for the most part, just to break the monotony or avoid any gluts or being stuck in a rut for that matter. But the mere idea of veering away from your comfort zone could be scary at times, especially for those people who are not risk-takers.What with you having thoughts on the impending 'doom' heading your way, meeting new faces, encountering problems which appear to be freakin' unresolvable, plus chartering to unfamiliar territory. Twists and turns here and there. Basically, your main concern is whether you will emerge at the other end of the tunnel unscathed. That's how I feel right now. Having experienced these changes (good & bad, professional & personal) makes me feel just a little bit queasy. All of a sudden I feel vulnerable, I have butterflies in my stomach, and I have the sudden urge to turn my back, hibernate in my cocoon or just return to my previous routine which I used to do and had come to like. A few months from now,I will just brush this aside like any other normal jaded person and not bother with it. But for now, I feel like the only living creature in the galaxy far, far away. Then again, this too, shall pass. After all, who wants to be mediocre for the rest of her life?

everybody likes controversy

i think it's very brave of GMA to actually admit it was her on the 'infamous tape'. I could forgive her for that. For me, addressing the controversy and apologizing to the country is highly admirable and commendable. At least she was honest enough to admit her mistakes & take responsibility for it, unlike other politicians who would just deny it to the high heavens even though it's pretty obvious already. I'm not an Arroyo supporter but I would rather have her as President of this country than any of those opposition contenders (if there's any at all) who don't know anything about the economy anyway or how to properly handle them. They don't get the point anyway. So what if she cheated? It's not something new. Duh! Let's face it, everybody cheats in the elections. Even Ramos cheated. The only difference is that GMA was caught. And she is actually doing her best to handle the country's problems. You gotta start somewhere, right? I mean, she only inherited the country's problems from past administrations. You cannot possibly solve ALL of them in just one term! Geez, people expect to see change at the snap of a finger! It's not like you blame her for the oil price increase! Hello! It's the global market! Everyone is affected! It's beyond the President's control. Changes will just manifest themselves, just give her the chance. So give GMA a break already. 'Nuff said.

notice anything new here? I've added pictures! I thought these are images of some of the things that express my personality-- a bit of a mystical, something out-of-this-world... a person's journey to the ethereal subconscious... a far-cry from the mediocre environment that I am in...

tuesdays with me

i hate tuesdays, that's all I can say! Coming to work on a tuesday is hell for me. You can't get a decent seat in the office and it's always noisy when I arrive!

confession

i have a disease-- an incurable one. I've had this for quite some time now. As a matter of fact, I have acquired it just recently. Symptoms are: inexplainable racy heart palpitations, combined with perplexing sommersaults felt mainly in the gut, loss of appetite, lightheadedness, a weakening of the joints and limbs centering on the knees, breathlessness, a sensation of euphoria, coldness in the palms and feet, nervousness, insomnia, then finally, giddiness. Surprisingly, these symptoms have resulted in my momentary feelings of bliss, similar to a utopian experience.

In case the reader is wondering, no, I haven't been thrown to the looney bin, inspite of what these manifestations tell you. I have never consulted a doctor nor any other professional about my condition and I haven't taken any medication for this disease either, especially not any of those depressants. But I have done some research based on those symptoms I have experienced so far. I have taken it upon myself to trace the cause and the development of my condition which eventually led me to the conclusion that it is caused by a certain feeling and what is popularly called "falling in love".

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who has experienced this. Millions of people have contracted the disease as well, as it tends to spread rapidly. In fact, most people have gone through this experience early on in their lives. Arguably, this condition had also been the cause of deaths of mostly young people. Sure, they have experienced the same symptoms but some people take it to the extreme.

My experience had come as of late, as I am what you call a late bloomer in the scheme of things. What I can tell you is that I have enjoyed this feeling of falling in love quite immensely. It is a state of mind where you actually feel better about yourself, that you are of value to another person, to other people. That you can do great things, good things for the most part. One can just marvel at how falling in love could feel so good. It even makes Tom Cruise uncharacteristically jump around on Oprah's couch, or so it seems...

bummer

I was cruisin' down ayala avenue this morning on my way to the office feeling cool, calm and collected. I was singing in my head to the tune of sybil's 'make it easy' when the jeepney's radio suddenly blared that annoying parokya ni edgar song, 'first day funk'! Blast! That ruined my otherwise serene morning! I have nothing against parokya ni edgar, but hearing the same song over and over again on the radio, seeing the video on tv, it kinda gets irritating! Goodness, the song is everywhere! aaargh!!